Have a Kondo Hangover? What to do When the Decluttering Ends...

Yes, many of us may have already watched the Netflix series, “Tidying Up with Marie Kondo.” And yes, she is magic, and adorable, and very, very motivating. If you are on this site, I can only assume that you not only have also watched it in its entirety, but were inspired enough to Kondo your whole place, in order, as she suggests, starting with dumping every single piece of clothing and all of your shoes and accessories on your floor and the bed. (!) (Yes, I did this a few months back, too, and not for the first time!)

And you did it all! You went full-Kondo!  You purged your wardrobe, shed a lot of your books and shredded more than a ton of your paperwork. You literally pillaged your miscellaneous objects ( “komono”, as they’re called in Japanese) and put together bags upon bags to go into your alley to be picked up by grateful strangers, of dropped off at the local Goodwill or Salvation Army.  And, finally, you painstakingly even hit your photographs and memorabilia, which was definitely not easy. But you did it! You only kept things that “sparked joy.”

 But then…now what?

In fact, this feeling f depletion after doing a ton of organizing was one of the main reasons I started “House and Mind.”

Because there is SO much more to organizing than purging and putting your remaining things in their proper place.

There are LOTS more of internal “items” that are still going to need some MAJOR sorting, purging and putting away….

Guess what? Now, your physical space is no longer an excuse. This may hurt a bit! Your mind may be desperately  searching for a quick fix, something to store and clean and file away.

Maybe it’s time to Kondo those old dreams, ex-flames, half-done projects…File them away, or make time, in the case of a creative or work thing- to actually square it away-one way or the other.

Finish it. That’s what you really want to do, after all. Take all the energy you spent cleaning and de-cluttering, and give it to yourself, right now. Make a plan, clear your time. Find the mental space. You deserve it…

Embrace Your Story

Whether it’s New Year’s Day, Rosh Hashanah, or any old day you simply have the blues about the way your life is currently going, sometimes we can get into mind-spiral that seems pretty universal. It sings a song to the tune of something like this:

• What I did accomplish? (Which wasn’t enough, somehow!)

• What I did NOT accomplish?

• What others around me did or didn’t do…

• How I’d like our life & world to be, well, a little bit different. (A lot different, let’s be f*ckin real, here!)

But while you are thinking about all of the myriad and many things you did and did not do, the relationships that failed and left you unfulfilled, the life that isn’t yours,  I’d like to challenge you to reflect and think hard about what you really DO want …

It goes without saying that our Instagram age has turned many of us into, well… spectators of our own, and everyone else’s, lives. Spectators who may be comparing and contrasting all the while...

You think you have things figured out- but the sudden pop or post of someone else’s life seems a testament to things that haven’t shaken out quite the way you’d liked...

But consider this: It is so important to hold fast and steady to what is really important to you, what you truly do value. Maybe, sometimes, you are embarrassed that you don’t even really give a sh*t about owning a big home. Or you never, not really, wanted to get married in the first place (or you wish that you hadn’t!) Or perhaps, the pressure of having money was something you never signed up for in the first place, and you want out of the rat race…

Be honest with yourself: You have created this life. It is your very own. Now is the time to start appreciating this creation, even if part of your mind wants to convince you that it’s not good enough. Start spinning your story UP-wards instead of into a dreary, bleak spiral of complaint and regret, and stop comparing your own life with everyone else’s. You have made your own choices. Now, it’s time to own them, baby! And how exciting that you have the strength, the moxie and ability to do this right now.  Trust me, that friend with a bunch of kids in their perfect house wishes she was you more often than you know. And there is always time to adjust the things you thought were set in stone. Take it easy on yourself…

I also want to share a wonderful post by Gratitude App Founder Aarushi Tewari, “The Way to True Self-Acceptance” on the Gratitude Blog. It further touches on what we’re talking about here, and has some great, proactive steps you can take to get closer to embracing your story, and how far you’ve come.

And please…remember: Just give yourself some credit, some real credit. You have survived a lot, endured, enjoyed and lived through your own journey this far. NO one has a story quite as unique and beautiful and resonant as your own. Own it, and embrace it. It’s yours, and it’s beautiful putty in your hands. Look back on what you have done, and mold it into something you can be proud of, even in your own mind. You are the only one you ever have to impress... YOU. xo

Tiny Tidy: Your Home's Landing Strip Area

Where you come home from a long, hard day, there is GREAT temptation to just toss your stuff any old place, crack open a bottle of wine and put your feet up…But what if you could get to the fun part after you quickly get organized for the next day? That’s what a perfectly functioning Landing Strip in your home should do for you (and your family): Get you good & ready for the next day’s activities/work.

So! With those thoughts in mind, let’s get to it!

1. Do you have a Landing Strip in your home, a spot where you and/or your family plunks everything down? This could be a bench near the front door, a shelf, an alcove with a shallow table, a space that’s unobtrusive yet works for this purpose. (You can also identify part of something else in your home for this purpose-for me, it’s part of my kitchen table and a nearby chair.)

2. Once you have identified where it is, take a good, hard look: Does it make you feel … well..anxious? Or does it make you feel calm and okay? (We want to go for calm and okay!) If it does NOT make you feel good, try to identify where and how you could change it.

3. If you have it, but it needs some changing, make a small list, or see if you have any items at hand that could make it function better: For example, do you have some hooks you could place over the bench for the kid’s jackets and backpacks? Or a few large, pretty baskets to toss shoes into? Try to re-purpose what’s around your house for this Tiny Tidy, and see what you can find…

4. If you don’t need to change it, but want to, try to see where you naturally gravitate towards when you arrive home. If it’s your bedroom, maybe your Landing Strip is a chair where you can place your bag and computer easily at hand, and can set-up a charging station for your devices near there, too. If you have a large family, maybe you can march everyone into the laundry room, and use a part of that space to keep clutter at a minimum, or clean out a hall closet to stash backpacks, shoes, and sports bags for their other, random stuff. Make it a ritual with the kiddos, and make them responsible for their own stuff from now on! No more running to the car to get their homework, etc. (They will thank you later for this, believe me!)

5. If you have a Landing Strip area that you like to use, then see if you can make it better: I love the Marie Kondo of putting her day bag in a drawer, so it’s out of site, and she does this as soon as she walks in the door. Maybe your Landing Strip area is in a few spots: You can maybe try stashing everything in a closet when you arrive home, and just have a charging station for your laptop and phone that’s equally out of the way, but convenient.

6. Try setting up a mail processing space in the Landing Strip area, too: I know this sounds ridiculous, because so few of use get tons of mail anymore, but make it a habit to keep any bills or parking tickets that are not automated and still arrive via the mail nearby, and RECYCLE everything and anything you don’t need IMMEDIATELY! As you know , a few days of junk mail build-up and make it seem like you have heaps of mail to go through. You don’t. And you won’t, if you recycle it all right away…!

7. De-clutter anything that really doesn’t belong there, including above-said old mail, invites, fliers for expired events, whatever else you have hanging around there

8. Enjoy your new, clutter-free Landing Strip area-you are DONE! xo

   Check out these sleek, chic & so cute bamboo baskets from my friends at Target:

There's a Mouse In Your House! Unscrambling your Assumptions

Well, I know this is hard to hear, and sort of hilarious, because I have a site dedicated to helping people become both more present and keeping their personal home environment clear, organized and tidy, but, dude, this past month…I discovered I had a MOUSE in my house. Yes, it’s true…(Eeek!) Eeek is right.

After trying, naturally, to do all of this myself, I finally broke down and called my apartment manager, who sent over our very sweet and efficient super, who very quickly found the hole it was coming in through (behind the dishwasher!) and patched it right up.

The thing was, before finding out where, exactly, this mouse had come from, I made all sorts of assumptions: It was because of the peanuts I sometimes leave out for the squirrels that I love in my back patio; it came from this space, or that place, in my apartment. Maybe a neighbor was angry at me, (the older lady who HATES squirrels next door!) and tossed one in while my backdoor was open? Ahhhhh…

I mean, to put it mildly, I was losing my sh*it…(Over, I may add, a tiny mouse.)

But the super came, and found the proper spot of entry, as I mentioned, within about 15 minutes.

My mind, however, went in about 15 million directions! I thought about how often we do this: We often insert ourselves into situations that, really, we have no control over whatsoever.

As my sweet friend Lesli tried to console me, reminding me that this little mouse was only looking for shelter and food, and bits of paper to make a nest and have babies, my imagination conjured a hellion force of rodents, hell-bent on invading my little cozy abode. I simply could not feel at peace at all…

I even spent one night out, as I felt the mouse was “trapped’ in my place, after the space behind the dishwasher was patched up.

And then, I thought about it: ‘This poor little mouse,’ as my friend said. This little guy is really only looking to just get by.

He meant me no harm.

I started to relax: I came in the next early morning, opened the back door, (and left it like that, for the first time in a few weeks!) cleaned up, and wished the little guy well. I also silently asked the little mouse to please go his way to be safe, and to not come back, that I lived here, and that it didn’t.

Well, guys, it has been a few days, but- so far, so good! No mouse. Nothing!

What assumptions do you have about situations in your life that, really, have NOTHING at all to do with you? Is your boss being a royal bitch this week, and you’re absorbing it, thinking you may have something to do with it? Maybe her father is really sick, or she is going through a divorce. Or maybe, she’s just having a REALLY sh*tty week. It happens to all of us, constantly, almost daily.

With our friends, loved ones, and colleagues…We can assume any little thing about ANY little thing that is said, that happens or occurs.

We need to try and relax.

Sometimes, things ARE the way they are.

Just do what you can, and take responsibility for what YOU can. Keep your side of the road clean and clear. Wish the other person well, but disengage with the idea that you have ultimate control, or can solve, find a solution for, or can fix every little thing.

Sometimes…You just have a mouse in your house…And that is IT. xo

How to Complete a Major Fall Organizing Project (And NOT lose it!)

I had to help my brother organize some pretty big storage items: Work things, old furniture and baby things, holiday decorations, you name it, that had recently landed and accrued space in his garage. The pile was only getting worse as the months went by, and since he was going out of town last week, I offered to help…Ugh.

Fall can be, I usually find, a really great time to start anything anew.

And I find it to be an especially good time to rid yourself of the past in any way you choose, or feel the need to fulfill. Something like clearing and cleaning out a garage, or any storage unit or closet, is more monumental, and emotionally taxing, than one things, especially if there things and family mementos from random, multiple moves, as was the case here. (I even had a box of old photos I was missing stashed here! More on that later.)

Since I had no less than three melt-downs, and several bottles of white wine last week to ease my pain, I wanted to save you from some of it, and illustrate a good way to move through, and into, your stuff when overhauling a large space-like a garage or storage unit.

Here we go…

1. Walk around. Do not lose it. You are only looking. I know, I know. You try to pick up one small box, and it is simply filled with another, smaller box of random sh*t. It is mis-marked, disorganized and out-of-control, perhaps. I feel your pain. But, for now-simply walk the space, and start making a mental (or physical, paper) note about what you want to toss, give away, or sell.

2. And here, I’m talking about: Any used furniture you no longer want, electronics like printers, old bikes, baby stuff-such as toys and cribs, and old athletic or gym equipment.

3. Call the Salvation Army to pick up the items for give away. They will take anything they can truly resell, except for baby items. You may have to wait a few weeks for an appointment, but it’s less expensive than renting a truck or van to do this. If you have mainly smaller items and clothing here is a link to finding a Goodwill drop-off bin in your area

4. That charity pick-up day will be your start day.

5. Get at least one friend or family to help, if you possible can. It helps tremendously. My niece and her best friend are remarkable organizers, when they have a task in front of them. Get a teen or even older kid to help you out, man!

6. On the first day or afternoon or morning you have blocked out to start this crazy task, pull out the above items-making sure that the give away items are the most accessible for the Salvation Army truck that’s (thankfully!) coming.

7. Next, pull out the above items that you would like to post on Craigslist or Ebay to sell. Take some quick, not-too-terrible photos, and mark down the brand names and dimensions, This will give you some good energy to start.

8. You will be posting those items to sell tonight.

9. Look around at what is left in the actual space. Make sure you have your fave coffee, tea or feel-good beverage of choice.

10. What are the four or five main categories? Consider: Work Stuff/Holiday Decorations/Craft and Creative Supplies/Photos and old albums/Momentos and kid’s art/old documents & important papers.

11. Start sweeping out the floor and little nooks and crannies as you go. This will relax you, and make you feel at least little bit more calm, if this entire process drives you completely nuts, as it does me.

12. Start lugging boxes to their respective places and corners. This is going to take awhile. Trust me. Because you will find stuff within stuff within stuff. That is okay. We are not going deep now, just putting things in organized categories and spaces.

13. Keep going. Some boxes and containers will be mis-marked, or unmarked. Them’s the breaks.

14. Please, once again. Do NOT start really going through stuff now, or get kneeling on the ground, shuffling through some old, decrepit photos. NO! This will only give you a nervous breakdown, and make you very exhausted. (Ahem!)

15. Take a good break, and wait for the Salvation Army guys to arrive.

16. After that arrive, yay, you have even more space now! Pat on back. Good! Get back to work now, though.

17. Sweep the floor some more.

18. Put any random bits and bobs in the garbage and/or recycling containers. You may have to make several “off-site” trips to a local recycling bin, I myself made about five (!)

19. I say start with the documents. If you have anything that can be shredded, there are community shredding events in your city that are free, or you can have about 14 boxes shredded for about $100 0f they come to you, depending on which service you can find. Tax returns you should keep for up to 7 years. If you have gone paperless for bank and credit card statements, consider shredding the paper docs older than a year. Let’s rid of this crap, if we can, and today!

20. Start looking in these work and document boxes to see what’s what. Important papers, like social security cards, birth certificates, and wills, should probably be kept safely inside, in an accordion file, or locked box, whichever you prefer.

21. Put the file boxes or bags of paper to be shredded aside. Way aside, in a cozy corner, or better yet, a side yard.

22. Look at what is left. You may find you are already starting to have quite a few extra containers on your hands. If they are in good condition, and you want to keep them, wipe them down and stack them all up to utilize later.

23. Stack all the work/doc boxes in their respective space.

24. Go on to something more fun, such as holiday decor or craft supplies.

25. Go one box/bag at a time. Do you want this?? BE RUTHLESS. You can know make a pile to BRING to Goodwill or Salvation Army, yourself.

26. You may find yourself with pricey craft stuff moldering in a marked holiday box, or important papers stuck in the bottom of a box of photo albums. Just take a deep breath, then sort it out, and move on. I know it sucks. Believe me! I know.

27. When you finish with a category, keep paring each section down, further and further, make sure to put all the boxes of that category back in their new space, before you move on to the next category of stuff.

28. You may think you are done, so, go and take a shower, and go and relax, if you can, for awhile.

29. Post the stuff to sell on Craigslist or Ebay. Ahhh…

30. You are NOT done, though!

31. Schedule the next day or evening when you can “hit” the garage our storage space.

32. Repeat the steps of going through each newly sorted box in each category, or at least, do a very ruthless scan. Is there anything else that can really “go,” or be sold, at least? Do yourself this favor. Try, try, try to let it go, if you can.

33. You may now find that you may need several more hours of work to finish really organizing, but believe me, you have already complete dates majority of a giant task. Good for you!

34. And note how you feel. Do you feel “done?” Really pay attention to that satisfied “click,” or the lack of it. You will really know when you are done.

35. Phew! Go bring that extra stuff to Goodwill, and put in a corner the stuff you are selling.

36. Woo-hoo! Go have a nice glass of wine or sparkling water.

    YOU DID IT! xo #yourule

(And I will be posting, hopefully, a nice “after” next week!)

“Before…” #oy

Tiny Tidy: Your Linen Closet!

This is either quite a tragic task for you, or very easy, depending on how many people are using the linen closet, how many family members you have, and how large your home is, bedroom & bathroom-wise. Get ready to turn some old sheets and towels into something more useful, and let’s get BUSY…

Things you will need:

A nice microfiber cloth and your fave natural cleanser, and a garbage bag and a cloth tote

1. Take a look at the linen closet. Closely.

2. Put a towel or sheet on top of a nearby bed.

3. Take everything out, and place on the bed.

4. Wipe down the inside and outside of your linen cabinet or closet with your cleanser and cloth.

5. Go and take a good, hard look at what’s on the bed.

6. Pick out any old or really mismatched sheets and towels…(Do you still have twin sheet sets from when your kids were little, or even from college? Ugly, patterned towels you have always really, well, hated?)

7. Are there any you can use for drop cloths, car wash towels or rags? If so, place in cloth tote bag.

8. If anything is really bad, you can also choose to toss in garbage bag. (But try not to do so, if they can, in fact, be reclaimed.)

9. Fold everything you are keeping back up as nicely as possible.

10. Figure out if you want to switch up the way yo had things before, or not: I like to put table cloths in back of the shelf I have my sheet sets on, and the towels below them.

11. I also like to store folded, little washcloths and for-delicates dryer bags in a small, wicker box. It looks super cute, and keeps them from toppling over.

12. Lean back, and admire your work! You are DONE!

Good job! xo

How (Not) To Talk To Your Friends & Families About Politics (& Get Busy Instead)

I could just cut this piece quite short, and say, straight out of the gate: "Don't do it!" Do NOT talk politics right now with family, friends old or new who do not share in your political beliefs...

But clearly, with everything from the #MeToo Movement, #BlackLivesMatter, and our President's daily Twitter rants in the forefront of our social consciousness, it is sometimes not so easy to avoid. 

So, what to do?

The main advice I can offer, especially if you "disagree" with what the other party is putting forth, is to really try to get quiet, and listen.  

I have done a lot of political organizing work, and know that energy is best used in not trying to convert people who very heartily disagree with your views, but in trying to understand where they are coming from, on an emotional level. It all begins there. 

Often times, political leanings have been ingrained in us by either a positive or a negative reaction to our own family systems: You grew up wanting to impress your uber-aware professor mom or writer father round the dinner table with tasty and topical snippets from the NY Times, or all of your uncles in your family are long-time union, or cops, so you grew up on the far-side of the "Left," or conversely, became rabidly anti-Liberal. All of our our family experiences bleed into and make up our political awareness (or lack thereof.) Yes, of course, we eventually make our own decisions. But do not discount where and how your own political beliefs were shaped. 

These are the things to consider when you are on the verge of fighting with someone about Trump, Harvey Weinstein, or anything or anyone else on the socio-political spectrum. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF THEIR PERSPECTIVE, mind you, or pretend to agree with them. But most truly negative opinions come from a place of not understanding the full picture. (i.e., a true lack of awareness, compassion and understanding on many levels.) 

You can just choose not to engage. There is too much vitriol, anger and negativity in the air right now as it is. Call out anyone who is blatantly racist or misogynist, if you have the guts to do so, of course. And better yet, physically leave, and this action can itself speak volumes.

The advice here is this: Save your precious energy when the talk turns to Washington politics. 

Dialogue is always useful, and of course, good, thoughtful debate always has its rightful place. But you know what is even better right now?

Action. Doing stuff.

Stop fighting with friends and family at the dinner table, posting on Facebook until you are blue in the face, and hate-Tweeting. Find a group in your neighborhood, whether you are on the left or on the right, or somewhere in between-and start supporting a political candidate, or cause, you can identify with. 

Stop arguing. We all know you have an opinion that is informed and crucially important to you.

I'm just challenging you today to put your money where your mouth is.

Get out there and do something!

There are extraordinarily important Congressional primary races going on, right now, across the entire country, and the mid-term congressional election is a mere two months away- on November 6th. 

Volunteering for a local political campaign may seem a bit daunting at first, but it's really very fun, quite simple, and functions on most common-level ways of dealing with situations and people. You call people on the phone! You enter simple data or do some emails! You "canvas" by knocking on doors, and discussing your candidates with awesome seniors, brilliant college students and caring, young families alike. Not complicated at all.

It is actually awesome.

You change things by talking action. Not by simply talking about what is ailing you, the planet, or society-at-large. Just like in your very own life! (If you are truly too introverted to make phone calls or knock on doors, they always need help selling swag in the campaign HQ, answering phones or emails, or doing some easy data entry.)

You can look up who is running for the House of Representatives in your CD (Congressional District) here. Then Google "Rep's name" campaign HQ," and call them! Believe me, they will be truly ecstatic to get your call. (Trust me.) 

Try it. See if you like it. And next time at dinner, you can smile sweetly when the conversation gets truly heavy, and kindly say, "I see we see things a little bit differently," and make a crack about 'No politics at the dinner table!' It's an old-fashioned rule for a very good, simple reason. Working to make change, in a positive way, saves your sanity, friendships and family relationships from falling down a bleak, dark hole.

And it allows you to save your energy for the real thing. 

Have a great week! xo

P.S.: And VERY special thanks to my genius copywriter (and brilliant therapist) Lesli A. Johnson! She is the best…xoxo

Muting Your Feed...

You may have seen some of your favorite Instagram peeps proclaiming that they are taking a break from social media, for a week or a month or even longer...Facebook announced this year that you can "unfollow" a friend's feed without them even knowing about it, and Instagram now offers the same option.

Except Instagram calls it something really great: "Muting the Feed."

Both companies have also said they want to prompt users to use both restrictions liberally, stating the opinion that it will enrich and enliven both platforms for the user's own pleasure- as they will only be devouring content they actually enjoy. 

Wow! What a novel concept! 

So, next time that you realize you are dragging yourself back to that annoying book club, or family function, or endless and numbing work networking thing, just ask yourself:

How can I mute this feed? 

Dude, the good news is, in most situations, you really can! You DO have control over you own "feed"-over who you see, and what you do, and where you go.

You DO. (!)

The problem is, we get so looped in, like looking at your third grade English teacher's grandchildren on Facebook, that we do not even realize that we have this choice in our real lives.

But, lo and behold, we... DO! 

To start saying NO, and muting the feed of sh*t you simply do not want to participate in your daily and weekly life any longer, feels simply-great.

Intrigued by this idea? Good! You should be. Maybe pretend that you are a social media celeb going on a social media fast, and have to be really picky about what appearances you make. Make this muting process fun, and give it a genuine whirl...Do I really want to go on that blind date? Mute! That endless girls' night that always ends up feeling toxic? Mute! That movie you get dragged to only because your friend is obsessed with Tom Cruise? Mute. Mute...MUTE!

It is FUN! Just try it. Practice it. Live it. Mute the feed. I promise you. It will change your freakin' life. xo

Don't Shoot "Poison Arrows!" or... How to Better Your Relationships by Accepting the Truth

I have recently begun learning a little bit about the I Ching, the ancient Chinese teachings that help one realize the true essence of both self, and "reality," as we each experience it. 

One of the things it talks about it are "Poison Arrows." Those are specific thoughts that one may have "against" you, or conversely, that you may have against another. Think jealousies, bitter feelings, anger, a plot for vengeance...(!) You get it. Basically, when someone not only does not want the best for you, or would actually be quite happy if you failed miserably, or found great disappointment. Or you perhaps feel that way against another. Ugh. Sheer nastiness, all the way around. 

By understanding that these are "real" situations and feelings, in the sense that they are NOT in your imagination, and you cannot necessarily attitude-adjust them, or whisk them away, via some form of magical thinking, has been quite revolutionary for me recently. The good news is, this realization can simply make one realize some sad, pretty uncomfortable truths- face them right up-front,  figure out a quick plan of action, and then...move ON! It really can that be simple. I'm not saying that this process  of dodging or recognizing the poison and soon removing the bitter arrows is an easy one. Just a simple one. 

It's pretty liberating, especially when dealing with, say, work situations, when impersonal tensions with others can result in far more grave consequences, for everyone involved...

So... What do you do when you know that a person, FRIEND or grouP in your life is shooting poison arrows in your direction?

Accept this. If you have weighed it out logically, and things keep happening in the same negative  way, despite your different ways of handling which are getting the same outcome, it is perhaps time to face some facts: If it's a relationship or friendship, it may be best to really move away from this person, or group, emotionally,  and get some real space. Give it some time, and see how you feel...You may find yourself feeling incredibly liberated. Or, maybe the realization of something being "off" with them alone is enough to realize that the friend has been going through a rough period, and the bitterness is something that has just passed. Arrow removed. It is safe to resume a friendship. 

If you have to work with or around a person or people who shoot poison arrows at work, or in your own family...

Again, quite literally, the truth will set you free. Your own inner knowledge or "ownership" of the situation-seeing it as potentially very damaging- will allow you to navigate the waters as carefully as you can.  The more you understand your own truth about the situation, the more "power" over it you will have. Soon, the other parties will start putting down their bows, and looking for other, juicier targets to puncture. This knowledge itself removes the poison arrows, and allows you to act rationally, and accordingly. They will feel your power, and f- with you no more...

I am the poisoned archer, here. What can I do?

Again, good for you for being woman or man enough to own up to this bold fact! It's one of the hardest things to do. Feeling crappy about others kinda really, just really, well, s*cks! But! You can remove those arrows by starting to meditate around and writing down what you really do want in your life. And maybe come to understand what is truly missing from it.

Ponder this a little bit. What is it that is really missing, or out of sync?  Is it a relationship? The need for more money and greater abundance?  A desire for bigger and better career? Tell your ego to leave the premises when it starts dishing on how sh*tty and selfish that other person is, and deserves your rancorous thoughts. By caring for your own needs and desires, these arrows will start to greatly lessen in force, and you will be able to start directing that "poison" energy towards your own goals and desires, once again. Very simple. But, not easy, as well know so well. 

Will you be sad and uncomfortable when removing the poison arrows from both yourself, and others. YES. But you will be surprised how this sadness will change to action when you are truthful about these above situations in your life. The reality may not be what you wanted to realize. And that's a shame. But it is okay. And you will be, too...

Just remember: We are all humans here, just trying to move through time and space. Give yourself, and others, the break we all really need and deserve...Have great weekend, everyone! 

*REMINDER NOTE: I am not in any way, shape or form a licensed therapist. Just a friend who understands...xo If you really  want to speak to a professional, email us for a list of great therapists we can recommend, who are also be available for phone and/or Skype sessions anywhere you may reside. Thanks to Mick Kubiak for her great I Ching insight. 

TINY TIDY: Pick A Drawer, ANY Drawer...

I just want to state again that the entire concept of these little Tiny Tidys, and the "Home" aspect of House & Mind, is to allow for the realization that not only is the idea of perfection not desirable, it's not even an option. It simply doesn't EXIST. (Phew!) By keeping your home clean and organized at YOUR level and your own pace, you will find your life to become endlessly more satisfying and just...feeling a bit more together. It's really true! I promise. If you are happy with things a little messier, and it keeps your life and more richer and more creative, keep it that way! If it's messy, and your life is out of hand, and you feel perennially on the run, chasing after things and out-of- control,  maybe start a little slower, but take a stab at cleaning things up. That is what these TINY TIDYS are for, and with THAT in mind-I'd like you now to...Pick a drawer in your bedroom, kid's room kitchen or bathroom...ANY drawer! 

Get READY...

1. Gather up: A rag and your fave natural cleanser.

2. Place a towel on your bed or nearby counter.

3. Find & gather up the bottom of some smaller, empty boxes-think iPhone old boxes, shoe boxes, stationary boxes, so you have some different width, depth and length options.

4. Walk around your home, and figure out which drawer you are going to focus on. Do NOT over think this, please! I mean it! Just pick ONE drawer.

5. Once you have figured it out, take everything OUT of the drawer (just do it!) and put it on the towel-covered bed, or counter-top.

6. Spritz the drawer lightly with cleanser, and dust it off/clean the drawer off.

7. When you are done physically cleaning the drawer, turn and look at your stuff you have place on the counter...

8. It's probably a jumbled mess. That is okay!

9. Basically-THIS part is the "real" juicy part of this process-NOT how you are going to reorganize all of this crap. I know your throat may be clenching up and your heart could be racing-what with looking at what could possibly be a real mess. But it's alright. Take it easy.

10. If this is a junk drawer you are doing, start tossing! Recycle or put in the give-away bag ANY old cords or random things hanging around...Just be ruthless. The stuff has been sitting in there, most likely, forever.

11. If you are doing, say, a lingerie drawer, inspect each and every article of clothing. Get rid of or put in a give away bag ANY thing you do not like, looks worn to you, or somehow, gives you the shivers. Do this quickly.

12. Depending on if you have clothing, accessories or junk drawer items. start looking at your new organizing system-those boxes and lids! Place some in the empty drawer. Start putting things back in the boxes, in a way that you'd really like them to be from now on. Play around with them. The lids are excellent to use for this, and act as little trays. I use them EVERYWHERE. They organize toiletries and junk drawer things really beautifully.

13. Futz around until you feel that "click," and get the drawer the way you like it.

14. YAY! LOOK at how easy that was- Congrats! You just tidied a random drawer in no time! #itsthelittlethings :)

These boxes and lids have been my main take away from that whole Kondo-craze- the lovely idea that you do NOT spend more money on more stuff to organize, just use the stuff you have!

I really do love that. If you feel like it, KEEP going! (Ha! My little strategy today, to be honest.)

And have a great weekend! xo

Capture that "Back-To-School" Feeling! (Even if you are over-worked, stressed, need a vacation, and broke!)

YES! It's that time of year again...The kids are going off to school, maybe even college...You may already feel completely overworked and scattered and stressed, trying to get the shopping, arrangements, papers ready for the title (or big) ones. Maybe you don't have kids, but you're in great need of a little mental break, treat, or just something fun to look forward to...If either (or both!) cases are you, then please take this opprtunity, while taking some time out to start doing your Un-Plan for Fall,  to think about and tune into that "Back-to-Feeling" from when you were young (sigh!):

• Get very comfortable, in a safe and relaxing space.

• Close your eyes...Calm and quiet your mind, as best you can...

• Try and remember the smells and feelings of that time...

• What comes up for you? Dread? Excitement? Thrilling-ness? Anxiety? It's important to note this...

• If the feeling leans more toward the negative, please don't get lost in this story. Breathe deeply, veer away from it, and try to hone in on any feelings that you can recall that were full of some kind of positive anticipation about this time of year...(Some of us may have to go quite far back! ;)

• Any positive memories you can bring up? What made them so great? Was it the people around you at the time? Was it what you were looking forward to? Perhaps, it was just the fact you had a lovely new outfit that your mom or dad or grandparent had let you pick out on your own...? Whatever it was (and perhaps there are more than one memory) hold it close to you in your heart: Does it bring up a feeling of longing? Desire? Fondness?

• If it does, you hit a sort of paydirt! That is gold! Because, even if the people around you are, well, no longer around, you can give yourself a dose of what you need to get that delicious Back-to-School feeling...back!

• If you miss having specific family around, maybe start a ritual of calling your cousins, parents, aunts, grandparents (whoever you'd like) once a week during the Fall. Are they mostly all nightmares? ;) Then get on Facebook, and hit up some old pals from grade school or high school. YOU have changed, but an essential core of you is still quite the same, believe me. Chances are, you can tap right back into that while chatting or corresponding with someone who knew you, way back when...:)

• If it's the "new-ness" of everything that you really crave, that fun feeling of having new clothing, sneakers, shoes, and school supplies, then find a way that is within your budget to purchase or procure a "set" of something or an outfit that is completely new. This can be office supplies from the Dollar Store, or a new outfit from Poshmark (my ultimate and fave place to both new and slightly used clothing, shoes and accessories-just use my code SHOPFRAN to get $5 off your first purchase!) Maybe you're more into design, and would love to get something new for your home?

Either way, maybe Fall is the time of year to make a big deal out of YOU! 

Whether you are an MBA, or didn't have the opportunity to graduate high school- no matter at all. Fall is a GREAT time to take some time for yourself, connect with old friends and loved ones, and give yourself, or your home, a little gift. 

YOU DESERVE IT. xo

This Fall...Plan to: UN-Plan!

We spoke recently about creating an Ultimate Agenda, then thought the idea a bit too...Uptight! 

Isn't it always what you feel you must have to/need to do that gets in the way of what you really WANT to be doing in your life? 

If you are on this site, we know you are a thoughtful person. We know that you won't take this concept to any detrimental end. So, grab a notebook or pad of paper, cup of tea or fave beverage, a pen, and get comfortable!

PART ONE OF THE UN-PLANNING PROCESS:

• THINK. What haunts you? Those languages you never studied? That trip to Europe you never took? The (maybe) hard fact that you never became a singer/dancer/engineer/astronaut? Write it all down here.
• And, we mean, write down EVERYTHING: All of those regrets. Those "unfulfilled" desires, dreams and wishes. Write 'em down. NOW.
• Now, we are going to go through them, ONE by one. (I know. But it gets better!)
• Europe...That trip. Still want to do that? CROSS IT OFF IF THE ANSWER IS "You know, not really!" We are going to Unplan that trip, and make room for what you REALLY want to be doing, instead!
• What else? 
• REGRETS or WISHES WE WANT TO CIRCLE: Making amends to my family and/or friends  (if I am an addict) Sorry, dude. No Un-plan for that. Those types of things stay right on the list. Re-establishing a relationship with a family member I really do want in my life. Rekindling an old friendship which I truly miss...Those can stay on. 
•  Write down whatever comes to mind. Do you REALLY need to buy a brand new set of Le Creuset pots before you start on your path to being a great amateur chef? No. You do not! Cross that off!
• Do you really have the true desire to renovate your bathroom, or is that wish masking the troubling fact that you are really miserable in your marriage? CROSS THAT OFF. Make a NOTE to book an appointment with a marriage counselor and/or therapist. (I know. Truth hurts. NO ONE is looking at this list but YOU. Remember that!)
• Keep going. Take breaks. Take a week, or however long it really takes, to get honest with yourself, to get really true and honest, and just do this. You deserve it! Trust me. 
• This may take several days. Weeks, even... You may need to evaluate and re-evaluate what you thought were die-hard dreams and desires. But you owe it to yourself to do this. You owe it to the world to be living your best life, and to signal all of the other experiences you have been unconsciously barring from coming forth into your life to take shape, and come forward... 

This is very hard work. Please, make no mistake. You could consult a therapist or your regular meeting group. But you can also just...try and DO this. You can handle it! You really can. You will know if you need help to deal with any hard truths that may emerge. Don't judge! You are changing and enriching your life for the better good by doing this.  This will help you bring forth what you want and really do deserve in your life. This is, actually, a pretty damn exciting process! Do it as slowly or as quickly as you need. And please: By all means, message us, comment here, or reach out. And whatever you do, really try and commit to doing this...It is going to be exciting. 

NEXT WEEK, we will start on PART TWO OF THE UNPLAN! Have a wonderful week! xo

Tiny Tidy: Your Bookshelves!

This one takes a bit more concentration than most other Tiny Tidys, but its well worth it!  You can still do this even if you have adapted to mostly using a Kindle, and your bookcases are used to mostly house knick-knacks, plants and the like. 

PICK ONE BOOKCASE/SET OF SHELVES YOU'D LIKE TO TIDY THE MOST, AND LET'S GET TO IT!

(GATHER A FEW EMPTY SHOPPING BAGS,  SOME RAGS AND YOUR FAVE ALL-PURPOSE CLEANSER:)

1. TAKE A GOOOD LOOK! What do you NOT like about your current bookshelf organization? Are the shelves too crammed, too minimalist, or simply not being used properly? Do you have just loads of books you have not yet read, and, if you're honest, have no real intention of doing so? Take note of how you want the bookcase to look and feel...
2. TAKE EVERYTHING OFF OF THE SHELVES.
3. Wipe down the shelves, top and bottom. 
4. Start with the books. This is where we DO totally follow the Kondo method: Pick up/look at each book: Do you REALLY love it? If you've read it, would you like to keep it to re-read, or pass on to someone else?  Decide now!
5. Place in a pile in your shopping bags the books that are NOT staying. 
6. Look at the ones that are staying, and think about how you'd like to organize them.
7. I like to start with a shelf of books that are old favorites, another filled with new ones, then one for biographies, memoirs, self-help or psyche books, and on and on.  Dust these off lightly, and...
8.  Arrange the books you are keeping as you have decided.    
9. Fill in with any knick-knacks, plants or photos that you'd like, dusting off the knick-knacks and frames lightly as you do so...
10. Take this time to decide if there are any little knick-knacks or photos that could be added/taken away, etc.
11. Now, you are almost done. Those books you are giving away: Who would like them? I personally almost monthly give books away (and take some, too!) from my local Little Free Library, which are run by neighbors, and are beyond adorable, useful and amazing. Make a point to put those books in your car, to drop off to friends, your regular or Little Library. 
12. And...Dude , good job, you are DONE!   

NOT SO BAD, right?! Now, you can start on another one, you bad-ass, if you really feel like it, have more than one! #yay! xo                

Tiny Tidy: Your Fridge (Ugh!)

I know, this one is not so "tiny." In fact, the electricity went out in my apartment for about six hours when I wasn't home this week.  I literally had to throw practically everything went, as, I found out the hard way, a few things spoiled! Ick.

(It's a pain to do this one. I totally get it.)

But! Summer is sadly, soon, coming to an end. You have had probably had more fresh fruit and produce in the fridge than usual. Now is a great time to get rid of these old left-overs, condiments that have seen better days, and, well, YOU know! All that good (and gross!) fridge stuff. You CAN do this in 45 minutes or less. It's just going to take a little bit of planning: 

So, let's GO! (get excited): 

Plan on tossing and cleaning out food items and produce that are old, expired and, well,  just done and over. You will want to rinse and keep, or rinse and recycle (please) plastic containers and glass jars, if at all possible. Have a recycle bag ready and waiting, and please make sure your sink is clean and ready. We will be dumping the old stuff and containers and expired condiments in there, first!

1. Start by getting: A sponge (or even better-Magic Eraser) your favorite natural cleanser, a rag, a bag for recycling containers, and a little note pad and pen.

2. Okay. Get ready! Open up that fridge.

3. Take a look in there. What is going ON, honestly? Take a really good look.

4. Now, start going through the obvious first-the shelves that are in view.

5. Go shelf buy shelf.

6. Put the "keep" items on the counter.

7. Place what you are tossing in the sink, just for now.

8. Now, you can choose to either wipe down the shelves as you go, using your sponge or Magic Eraser for the really gunge-y parts, or wait and wipe down all at once. Your choice!

9. Now-hit the side door shelves-the egg and butter compartments. Be thorough.

10. LOOK at those condiments. If the date has been scratched off check them out, but my guess is, they may have to go. Things like Apple Cider Vinegar, however, which I like to keep in the fridge. Just use your best judgement. (And your nose. ;)

11. Start making a list of what you want/need to replace, or even add. Here a few, healthy swap-out ideas: Coconut Aminos (you can buy at Trader Joe's.) in place of soy sauce. Plain Greek yogurt instead of sour cream; Any "organic" varieties of things like ketchup, jam and almond or peanut butter are just great. (Trader Joe's also has some wonderful and expensive options. Often their organic products are cheaper than "regular" items in a mainstream grocery store.) We are not an affiliate of TJs, by the way! Just enormous fans.

12. Okay. NOW-hit the veggie and fruit drawers. (I know. I feel you. Believe me.)

13. Throw the produce up on the counter.

14. Take a look. Can you cook/freeze/prepare any of it that is about to spoil? Plan on doing so now. You can throw veggies that are about to turn in an omelette or frittatas, make a quick salad. or even compose a strangely delicious new smoothie combination.

15. OKay! Hit those drawers. Pull them out real quick. Clean them as best you can. (You can do this!) I know, it's almost the worst. Just do it, though! You will feel lots better when it is DONE.

16. Now, take a break. (Just for a minute, though.)

17. Wipe down anything little spots you missed. (They are there!)

18. Now, look at the stuff on the counter. Start starting/tossing/recycling "old" food and condiments you have placed in the sink. Clean out the containers if you can-to clean and save, or to recycle. It is SO tempting to be lazy and skip this step. DON'T DO THAT.

19. Put everything back- all the food items, produce, condiments-that you plan on keeping.

20. Extra points if you want throw the lunch meat in an open plastic container to organize it better, or arrange the healthy foods shelf by shelf, so they are more accessible. You can be as cute as want. Roommates and family member swill have to deal. YOU CLEANED IT OUT! So there. Take that, bossy whoever.

AND YAY! YOU JUST CLEANED OUT YOUR FRIDGE! Now-it's time for a little treat! Whatever that means to you...Or, you can choose to cook a nice meal for yourself,  your sweetie or your kids, with what you didn't know was still good, fresh and lurking in that fridge of yours...

Have a good one! xo

Do You Work a "Real" Job?

I think I have always had a huge problem with lifestyle or “wellness” sites because they never seem to address the whole swath of a country’s vast eco-system- the socio-economics that are in play, and at stake, and the people behind them.

In fact, maybe someone working full-time at a factory, or cleaning houses, or fixing cars, while raising a family, doesn’t have time to read a blog like this one…But, isn’t that a rather ridiculous and obnoxious assumption? Yesssss....Of course it is!

It’s why the U.S. has become so divided lately, among other reasons, because of these very same assumptions, and on both sides, I might add.

We think it would be really so helpful and informative for us to be able to hear from people who work labor-intensive jobs and therefore, have specific issues or needs the likes of sites like ours, House and Mind, usually don’t usually address. We hope that we can be writing for all of our readers. That everyone can find real value in these posts, and gain some sense of clarity, solace, comfort and perhaps, insight from reading them. We want everyone to hopefully be able to gain this type of value from being here. 

If this is YOU, we would love to be able to consider what your life is like, day in and day out, and, if possible, share it with us. I probably cannot understand it directly, that is true. But I have worked in the service industry for years in the past when I was younger, and my day job can get quite stressful now. Maybe you can help us to understand your needs more. 

So, tis post is a little call-to-action, of sorts:

*IF YOU WORK IN MANUAL LABOR (A “HARD” JOB) DRIVING A TRUCK, CLEANING HOUSES, WORKING IN A FACTORY OR ON A FARM, IN CONSTRUCTION, OR WITHIN THE SERVICE INDUSTRY, WE WOULD REALLY LIKE TO HEAR FROM YOU: What do you do to decompress? What makes you happiest? What do you wish were different in your life? How do you deal with stress? What pisses you off? How are you the most misunderstood? How do you deal with hardship? Illness? Pain? What would you like to see on these pages? We are here to help. Tell us what you need. 

Please email us, or leave a comment, below (you can also do so anonymously.) Don’t be shy! And please, feel free to pass this on to any friends, if it  doesn’t apply directly to you…If you think this request is obnoxious or condescending, I understand that. But trust us: It is truly genuine. 

We would so appreciate your stories, feedback, knowledge and insight...Thank you…xo

Whose Timeline Are You On?

I remember years ago, (I’m talking in my ‘twenties!) a good friend was telling me about how she and her husband were trying to get pregnant. They had just gotten married a few months before, and this was exciting news. “That’s great!” I said, pretty reflexively.  

And then I said, “You are right on schedule!”

I kept smiling. Because my friend wasn't.

Not at all.

There was a bit of an uncomfortable silence. 

She soon just looked at me, with the sweetest, bewildered, little look on her face, and said, “Yeah. I just don’t know whose schedule I’m on!” 

It was a good line, and we both cracked up laughing. 

It turns out that, even though she was still in her mid-to-late twenties, she was getting lots and lots of pressure from her mother to have a child, and stat. And eventually, of course, she did get pregnant. Twice! And they turned into beautiful and wonderful children.

But I truly never, ever forgot that conversation.

Because she was being painfully honest.

It probably did not feel right for her to be with the man she was with at the time. I really think that she probably felt it was too late to back down. She got married and pregnant. Learned how to be a good, decent mom. Stayed married for awhile.

Time is such an incredible construct that we have collectively created. 

It is so important to be able to sink to where you are in your life, wherever that is and whatever that may look like, right now. And where you will be tomorrow, and the next week, without judgement.

It so important for you to give yourself permission to live your life on your own terms, every minute, every hour that you are in it. 

I know it is certainly so easy to look at someone’s timeline, their trajectory, and compare it to our very own. We all are, at times, very guilty of doing this. And we may, conversely, feel completely pressured into adopting someone else’s path through life, at times. Or maybe society’s. Or, in my friend’s case, her very own family. 

Then we can spend a great many moments, and days and years of our lives, weighing and evaluating the choices we have made throughout time, even while having a lot of life (if we're lucky) left. We really, really do cause ourselves so much inadvertent, and unnecessary, suffering doing this. 

In the end, though-It is, really, all okay. 

Your f*ck-ups. Your triumphs. Your exciting decisions or your “less courageous” choices. We all feel differently about what we want in life, and how we want to pursue things (or not). We have our own thoughts about how we desire to really live it. It’s all…okay.

My friend also stayed where she was for awhile. Then...She changed her mind!

She made a huge choice. It wasn't brutal, but boy, was it messy. After years of separation and emotional bargaining, she found it within herself to go through with a divorce. And now, after many challenges on all sides, she is ecstatically living her life with a great, new guy.

My friend’s choices were what she decided and acted upon at that particular point in her life. They suited her best, at the time. Much later, they were causing her a lot of pain, and she had the strength and fortitude to get a divorce, which was certainly not in line with the timeline her parents had in mind, who are still (unhappily) together to this day.

But, the good news is, she had some good friends (and a great therapist) and eventually made the very best decision for herself, after spending many years not listening to the unhappiness and discord inside of herself. She broke free of a great many constraints- the main one being her fear over what others would think about her choice to leave her husband. But she heard herself, she got quiet and listened, and felt that she was worth more. Without realizing she was doing so, she was inventing her brand new timeline, right as she went along. 

You can do that, too. Get still. Get quiet. Listen, stop berating yourself. If you don’t make a grand change, or go in a new direction in life, or decide to stay just where you are, for a while ( as long as you are safe, and can make space for yourself in the world.) that is okay, too. Maybe your timeline is invisible to everyone else. Really...

Who gives a crap who is "watching? "The clock only ticks for those who can’t see what time it is. Your timeline belongs to you. And to you only.

And it is always your time.  Always, always, always. xo

Try these posts get quiet and find that safe space inside of yourself:

Inner Housekeeping-Pt 3

*Note: If you haven't read Part I and Part II of Inner-Housekeeping by Mick Kubiak, so please read that first, if you'd like xo) 

Welcome to the third and final installment of the Inner Housekeeping Series! By this point in the process, you have spent some good quality time taking up residence in your inner home. You might be amazed at how much more energy you have, and how much more present you feel after this relatively small commitment of time and energy.

This is because you are tapping into something fundamental. This presence, this place, is your birthright. It has been there, well, dare I say, forever?

The emotions and the thoughts, the perceptions and beliefs, on the other hand, have a temporary quality, as do our psychological patterns—our tendency to panic, for example, or go in a paranoid direction, or get into relationships with a certain type of person. Our beliefs also come and go and change over time. But this place that is our home is always there and always feels the same. It is the space in which all that is temporary unfolds, rising and falling seemingly endlessly. 

As you begin to identify more with the space in which the thoughts, feelings, and perceptions come and go, rather than the thoughts, feelings, and perceptions themselves, you will discover an inner stability that is always there.

You will experience the presence of a monarch sitting on a throne, or a Buddha sitting on the earth. You will recognize the innate dignity and stillness of your being. This is not something you have to develop or cultivate. This is simply what is and what has always been. Your breath and your body are the portals that can get you here any time you want. 

Some meditation practices encourage an active approach to clearing of the inner space. I have found this to be particularly true with the Taoist approach, in which the meditator is encouraged to actively remove obstructing beliefs, thoughts, and emotions, just as a homeowner takes out the trash and recycling, as well as any old pieces of furniture that no longer feel good in the space. If this approach appeals, have at it. 

Other practices recommend a more passive approach, encouraging the practitioner to simply recognize and observe that none of those beliefs, thoughts, and emotions are solid or permanent anyway. Allow them to rise and fall and pass on their own, flickering like the images on a movie screen, maintaining your awareness of that which endures—again, the space in which it all unfolds, in your inner home. 

I have made good use of what I would consider to be some of the best instruction manuals available—The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer, and The Oracle of the Cosmic Way by Carol Anthony and Hannah Moog. All of these books lead straight to the heart of inner housekeeping and consciously living a life that unfolds from the source of your being. 

I have always practiced what works best for me at any given time, and have trusted in my own direct experience of reality to guide me.

The feeling of Homecoming is the perfect metaphor. When you feel that, you’re onto something. Keep going!

Start An "I Give A Sh*t" List!

In preparation for our Ultimate Agenda Launch of next month, we are asking you to do a little but hugely important task this week: Create an "I Give A Sh*t About" List!

This is not a test! 

If you do not care about what's going on in Syria or Sudan or anywhere outside of the borders of your own life, PLEASE! (I repeat-PLEASE!) do not put it on this list. I mean, this is a LIST. A big one. Personal to YOU, only. I want it to be pages long (or maybe not!) But I hope it's thoughtful. And beautiful. And silly. 

Creative Examples:

I Give A Sh*t About: (in NO apparent order!)

-My dear friends and family

-My niece and nephew's future lives

-Dressing to please myself

-Sales at IKEA in January

-Those kids in my neighborhood who seem neglected

-Day-Z (I know! ;)  the Cat who seems to not have a home, but has a collar that says "Please Do Not Feed Me", and won't leave my doorstep.

-My mom's health

-Meeting someone great

-Having a life with someone

-Feeling and finding a perfect match with someone I adore, and vice-versa...

...WAIT a minute! Do you see a pattern? NO, I do not need to adopt this cat! What I do need to do is to meet a great guy! This is why taking the time to make this list is so gorgeous: What you care about is WHAT YOU WANT, or WANT MORE of, in your life! THIS is going to be the foundation of your Ultimate Agenda! (more on that next week!) 

 Just have as much fun as you want with this list. No one is looking but...YOU! xo

Are You Living A Values-Driven Life? Let's Discuss.

I suppose I never understood what it really meant to have my values correspond with my actions until I started becoming politically active. In that arena, I realized, I could meet and work with people from varied walks of life, ethnicities and social strata-all while sharing the very same goal: To get this one guy into political office! 

But, beneath that goal lay a foundation of reasons why we were all spending so many countless hours and (very often!) thankless weekends and weekday nights doing this sort of volunteer work-because we all gave an incredible sh*t about what we thought would make the country into a much better place. Our reasons were intrinsically different, but broadly the same.  

These "reasons" resulted in our collective values banding together and forming a great force, which resulted in the core phenomenon that became the very grass-roots and highly effective movement known as the Obama for America campaign. (Now called "Organizing for America")

And the important thing I have come to realize, often times in a very hard way, is that you can run your life as a political campaign, in a sense! You can collect and bring together like-minded people who believe in the same things as you do, yet who also challenge and help execute and create the how, what, when and why you do them. You can fill your life with the activities that will push forward your "Ultimate Agenda." (more on the Ultimate Agenda next week) and you can also inspire others to work for your "cause."

In effect, your values and life goals can merge into a working thing of beauty. 

You just have to identify what those goals are, and what values rest beneath them. 

If you are very goal-driven, but feel inauthentic, stuck and/or unhappy, perhaps your values are not lining up, or aligning, properly. If you have developed values upon values within your mind and thoughts, but your reality, your work and daily existence and day-to-day life, are not appropriately expressing them well (or at all), it is perhaps time to get off Facebook and Instagram and put your walk into your talk!

What are values?

They are the things you truly care about. They go gut-wide, from “family,” “friendship,” and “doing honest work,” to smaller yet intrinsic personal and soulful concepts- such as when you insist on being true to your word, really showing up for your friends and family, and understanding and breaking down what “good work” really means to you. 

I think it’s a HUGE discussion to have with yourself: Right now, at this very moment, ask yourself: What are my genuine values? And how may I somehow start putting them into action, much more effectively, and in my daily life?  

It matters now, so much more than ever…xo

TINY TIDY : Your Cell Phone!

This is a "Digital Version!" (Special thanks to Mick Kubiak for this great idea!) 

Have you ever scrolled through your contacts, and your heart lurches, because you forgot to delete the number of the guy who ghosted you five years ago (or vice-versa!) or it pricks up and races when you see the number for that tutor you never called for your kid's advanced math class!? Today, we are getting rid of all that shame, stress and blah-ness that comes from looking at a device that may be filled with contacts and apps that do not express or reflect the good and juicy and interesting life you are living right now...

GRAB YOUR PHONE or IPAD, and LET'S GET GOING! 

1. Find a quiet, relatively stress-free one in which to do this, and promise yourself a little treat afterwards! Grab a sheet of paper and pen to make a small to-do list, coming straight from contacts you forgot to hit back. (Literally, just “Call the new neighbor Joan to set-up playdate.” Easy! BUT: This can be a teensy bit emotionally taxing, strangely yet also, very understandable. So go slow and do take it easy. 
2. Start with the A's. Start scrolling. If you're like me, you have contacts from different life periods, projects, volunteer gigs and various jobs. Be careful, but then, start hitting DELETE, DELETE, DELETE! 
3. When you are done, take a small, little break. Then, start skimming, again! I guarantee it,  you missed a bunch before. 
4. Jot down anyone you have to reach out to, but have been neglecting for a minute. (Even if "a minute" is, in actuality,  six months, or maybe even more!)
5. MERGE any multiple contacts and emails, as well.
6. Now…on to the Apps!
7. Open phone or iPad or Tablet up to your Home Screen.
8. DELETE any App that: You Never Use,  Does Not Serve Your Life Right Now, and/or Is a MAJOR Time-Sucker (G'bye, Candy Crush!)
9. GO TO THE PODCAST APP, and start downloading some NEW podcasts to replace those time-sucking apps. Podcasts I love: The Lively Show,  Optimal Living Daily,  Happier, and, full-disclosure, My Favorite Murder (I just love those girls! Warning: The subject matter is intense, but they are hilarious.)
10. Start contacting a few of those people on your list who you really do need to get back to, if you want, or schedule a time in your week to do just that.  
11. YOU ARE DONE! NOW…GO and TREAT YOURSELF!

#youdeserveitalways xo