Inner Housekeeping-Pt 2

by Mick Kubiak, LMFT

(This is continued from Pt 1, so please read that first, if you'd like xo) 

So here we are, in phase of 2 of checking out your inner home. Last week, you just started to get the feeling of your inner home, and to sit in it consciously, for five minutes each day. This week, you will go one tiny step further into inhabiting your inner space.

After a week of turning the volume down on your thoughts, and tuning in to how you feel inside, you may notice that without doing anything else, you already feel more present and embodied. Just feeling how you feel can be something of a revelation. Often we sweep our feelings under the rug, not wanting to experience them, lest they should disrupt us, and our lives. They scare us a little, or a lot. Once we realize that, in and of themselves, that they are just sensations wanting to be experienced, we can relax and get to know them. 

It’s liberating to realize that you don’t have to be afraid of your feelings. 

You don’t have to avoid them, deny them, or hide them.  You also don’t have to express them, address them, or “deal with” them. Just feeling them is a complete experience in and of itself, and at this point, that’s all you need to do. 

In this phase of the practice, you will tune in to your physicality, your breath, and your body, as the anchors for your awareness. In other words, experience your feelings through your body, rather than just thinking about them. Go back to the image of turning the volume down on the radio or television in your head, if that helps. Drop all stories, concepts, and explanations about why you feel the things you feel, and just feel your feelings as they present themselves to you, in your body. 

Notice as you scan your body, from your toes to your head, and back again, if your body feels heavy or light, cold or hot. Are you tingling in any area? Or numb? Simply observe, and stay connected to your breath. 

Some people feel shapes and see colors, for example a black thing the size of a golf ball in their throat, or a cold, flat sheet of paper in their upper back. And what most of us experience is that these areas of consolidated energy change in shape, color, density, as we sit patiently with what we feel. Most of us notice that if we sit with these sensations and continue to anchor attention on our breath at the same time, the sensations shift and transform. 

All we need to do is observe. 

Again, at this point in the process all you need to do is experience the energy as it shows up and moves through your body. Let your thoughts go for now, like people walking past your home that you don’t intend to connect with right now. What you are doing here, building on last week’s exercise, is taking up residence in your inner home by becoming more fully present in your body. 

If five minutes still feels right, continue setting the timer for five minutes and go on about your day when the timer goes off.  If you feel like more time would be even better, set the timer for 10 minutes, or do two five-minute intervals. For now, though, do not exceed 10 minutes. Get in, get out, and get on with your day. 

Next week, we will begin to move beyond just taking up residence in the inner home, and move into some more conscious cleansing of our inner space. Take good care of yourself until then…

 Go here for Part III of Inner-Housekeeping, by Mick Kubiak.

How to Have a Great Summer (Even if You Are Broke!)

I think one of the very best ways to have a really good summer when you are a bit short on funds is to really PLAN. Yes! Planning, planning, planning is key! I know. I can almost taste the collective sigh in the room, practically. You are feeling overwhelmed. You have work challenges, money worries, family priorities...

I totally get it, believe me...

But let's try and break this down a moment, shall we, with a few fun, fast and EASY ways to make your summer absolutely delicious, memorable (in a good way) and shining bright:

If You Are Single (And without kids)

• Ask yourself: What the hell do I really want to do this summer? Relax? Connect with an old friend or two? Have a great adventure? Read a lot? Luxuriate somewhere else? Re-do my outdoor space? (whether that be a yard, patio or small balcony area?)
• Identify the above, but, really do it. What do you need? 
• After you have identified this, you need to figure out what your actual time frame and availability is, and what your actual budget is: Can you afford to purchase that plane ticket to see your best friend in Austin for a long weekend? (Any miles you can use?) Or, if you need a little luxury, will a staycation overnight at a nice hotel and a massage and room service do the trick? Can you afford to make some tweaks to your patio, balcony or yard? Really think about this, but don't take too long to do it, okay? ;)
• If you want to go away-away-call that friend(s), and BOOK THAT TICKET. Just Do it! You have a free place to stay (I'm hoping) and your friend will know where to go and what to do once you arrive in their city. BOOK IT. NOW!
• Same as above, but with your staycation. Call the hotel. Secure the room. Book that massage. Look forward to it-DONE!
• You can also take a fun road trip to visit that friend(s), and save the cash for more important things (like a boozy brunch, or two!)

If Funds Are Really Low:

• Take a day trip/cruise Chinatown or downtown to some cool spot you have never been to in your city.
• PLAN a Summer Party or Picnic: If your place is too small, arrange for everyone to meet at a free neighborhood jazz fest or picnic spot. Bring a frisbee, and invite everyone to bring something special. If the party's at your place, this is a great time to spruce up for summer guests! 
• On the above note, invite a pal or two to come and visit YOU for the weekend, with the caveat that money is a little tight, but agreeing to show them a good time! (You may even get wined and dined a little!)
• Splurge on seeing a band or artist you love. There is NOTHING quite like a brilliant summer concert, and boy, does it bring back all the adolescent feels. Try this in lieu of the picnic with friends, and get everyone with the same musical taste on-board with you. OR- go to one of those shows that WILL bring it all back! Performers like Pat Benatar tour ALL the time! Take advantage of your nostalgia, and live it up this summer!
• Build up your library, and READ! Go over your bookshelves, and make a list of what you really want in there. Make it a fun job to hunt down this summer. Sleuth out your fave, old used bookstore, or-if funds are super-duper tight-get a library card. (You can even download FREE digital titles to your Kindle!)
• Try a monthly subscription to Filmstruck, and do the same as above, but with great films you have always wanted to see, but have not quite made the time to do so. Host your own mini- film festival with friends. You can provide the popcorn and snacks, and have them bring the booze or bevies. Or- do this solo, on a quiet weekend. 
• Give yourself a deadline to finish something-anything, by August 31st. That short story, those last 5 lbs, painting that nightstand you got at The Salvation Army last summer...You get the picture. Nothing huge. Just something...fun that will give you a nice, little jolt of accomplishment and pride. 

If You Have Kids:

• Hopefully, you have been planning with your partner or ex- how to handle the schedule, so it hasn't crept right up on you. If you have some alone time without your kids (they are at camp, with family or at your ex's) then see above. If not, figure out the budget you'd like to spend on outings or a trip. Next...Schedule a little family meeting. 
• At the Family Meeting: Ask: What does everyone feel like doing? Listen. Then tell them what is do-able, within the context of your family's budget. 
• With your keen ear, determine what the family is leaning toward: An amusement park? Beach vacation? Camping? What, what, what? Ask questions. Be impartial. Try not to allow any bickering at the table.
• Then, when a few ideas have made themselves clear:
• Offer three options. Let them debate and go crazy over them. Keep listening. Who really wants to do what? Can some things actually be combined? (Camping with a Six Flags nearby?)
• When you have a decent, agreed-upon, affordable verdict-tell everyone, in no uncertain terms, that you are booking this thing, and it cannot be changed. 
• Book that thing/things. Just do it! NOW! ;) 
• Have the kids, if they are old enough, go through their things and tell you if they need any new clothes or supplies for the trip. Go get those things, or borrow them from friends and neighbors. 
• Negotiate some chores, while you are at it. Why not? Have them hit the garage, since you are being such a great parent, and taking them on vacation.
   

If Funds are Super Low:

• Look online for any free concerts or outdoor movies for kids. RSVP online, or make plans to attend. Take the kids to stock up on candy at Target or CVS, or wherever you get your fun snacks.  
• Go to the movies during the day-or get everyone a MoviePass!  For $9.95 per person, you can see one movie EVERY day! It's TRUE! I have it, and use it religiously. (So, for twenty bucks a month, you and your kid are SET for summer movie time!)
• Go to a park or out to lunch in an entirely different neighborhood. Drive into the country, or up the coast one weekend, just for the day. Poke around in the local galleries and little hometown museums. Little kids love to learn about their state, and can brag about it when they get back to school. It's a fun way to do something intellectual and relaxing, all at the very same time. 
• Go to a few, great museums in one weekend. BofA has Museums on Us the first weekend of each month, and many large museums have "free" afternoons. (Besides, most kids 17-and-under are allowed free admission! Score.) Give them a few bucks to buy postcards in the Museum Gift Shop, to remember their favorite paintings. BONUS: Most museums also have free family classes and concerts-on-the-lawn during the summer. You can stay all afternoon, and bring a lunch in a sack or relax on a blanket. 
• Maybe this is something to do for next summer-but, often, many sleep-away camps offer free or reduced fee scholarship programs. Do not be scared to apply for these. The other kids will truly never know, and camp is a life-changing experience for little ones. Plus, you will get a much-deserved break! 
• Become the "magnet" house: Stock the fridge and pantry with inexpensive snacks and lemonade, or bake the snacks, even better! Tell the kids they can have friends over, within a limit. Especially if you work, and have older kids or teens home during the day, at least you will know where they are, and that they are safe. You can also give them a little allowance for doing chores, so they have some summer spending money, if you can swing it. 
• Plan some hikes, trips to the beach or lake, and make them fun. Bring exciting snacks and lunches-even if it's the normally verboten fast food! Pack everything up nicely for them. Play little word games in the car. These are the experiences summer memories are truly made of! 

So you see? Your summer does not have to suck! Au contraire! Great summer memories are made when you let loose, relax, and hang out with the people you love most (or at least, like a lot!) If you really think about what you recall from your summers as a child, any nice memories probably didn't revolve around reliving the quality of hotel you were staying, what label you were wearing, or how expensive or fancy the meal or restaurant. Lighten up! Identify what you really want and need, and have fun. You deserve it, believe me. 

That is what summer is all about, baby...xo

Tiny Tidy: Your First-Aid Stuff!

This is an EASY-peasy one, and also allows you a guilt-free excuse to go to/shop at Target! (Yes!) 

GO to the space/place/drawer/cabinet in your home where you keep things like: Antibiotic ointments, band-aids, anti-itch creams, summer bug spray, as well as products like cough syrup, cold and flu medicine, Tylenol, and the like. 

TIP: Get this stuff the heck out of your medicine cabinet, if it's in there, taking up precious real-estate, and move it!  It is life-changing, believe me...To steal a great tip from Marie Kondo, even a clean shoe box or two works great for this type of storage, or if you feel like it, get some nice small plastic bins or pretty baskets on your next Target jaunt. Being able to see everything, easily and sort of all at once, and making it accessible when you are injured and/or sick, is the key, here...

1. Sort items into two piles: First aid stuff first, and then, the other one is anything vaguely "medicine" related. 
2. Go through it!
3. Check outage expiration dates. Toss, toss, toss. Especially the expired, old ointments. (You want those to really work!)
4. Start making a list of what you need to replace. 
5. Put back what you are keeping, right back in place in its new home. 

Now: Here is a List to Take to Target, or order online, below:

HOME FIRST-AID LIST:

• Antibiotic Ointment
• Band-Aids
• Anti-Itch Cream
• Cold Packs/Hot Packs
• Cough Syrup
• Cough Drops
• TUMS (why not? ;) 
• Tylenol or Advil
• Cold medicine (Boiron's Oscillococcinum is amazing if you're feel flu-ish, and is 100% homeopathic. It actually works, too!) 
• Allergy medicine (if you are prone, but it never hurts to have on-hand, especially you have a pet, and someone visiting is allergic to Fluffy or Fido!)
• You can also get crazy with gauze, if you like, but getting to the Urgent Care is probably a better bet if you or someone at your home gets accidentally sliced. But why not have a roll on hand, if it makes you feel better?
• Fabric wrap for tendon injury (Again, seek professional help, but...? Maybe for little runner's or work-out injury, nice to have around, just in case.)
• Aloe Vera Gel (Lifesaver in the summer months, no matter HOW careful you think you are in the sun.) 
• Pepto Bismol, or something similar. (Because we ALL have those nights)
• Anything else you'd like to add!

That is it, and you are DONE!  (And I rarely say this, but-Happy Shopping!)   xo

Selfish or Self-Fulfilled? The struggle of being okay with yourself (Pt.1)

Having worked in the non-profit field for over two decades, I always found it interesting that certain people would comment that doing good for its own sake was somehow very narcissistic : If it made you feel too "good," it was as if you somehow weren't "helping," or you weren't somehow being truly authentic...

I never understood this; I always somehow felt intuitively guided- the better I felt- the better I was doing...It was as if a certain feeling was being checked off inside, a certain internal hum was being released. I made someone's day, week, or year...It felt so good. 

Why does feeling this way in our every day lives often times feel so...guilt-laden? Taking some proper time out, splurging on a semi-nice dinner, grabbing a little something extra, it can often feel (especially for those of us on a limited budget!) a little...off. 

Personally, it is easier for me to feel good if I am doing something nice for someone else. Or working pretty damn hard at something, feeling as if I am really GSD-ing, at a very fast and very healthy rate. 

Only then do I really allow myself to take the time to do something nice for myself. But..other times, if I am NOT feeling so plucky and productive or do-goody, I tend to be a bit more self-punishing. I don't quite allow myself that sweet feeling of a day well-spent, or a job well-done. I may later zone out and watch Netflix, but I sort of hate myself for doing so. 

Sheesh. What is that all about? 

Maybe you cannot relate, and, if that is the case, I really do commend you...!

But, if you are like most people, I bet you struggle with just allowing yourself to feel good, quite a bit. It just feels...wrong, somehow. I so know this feeling!

But, how to conquer it? 

I will be honest with you: I do not know. But we are going to be talking to some of our pros this month, to try to get to the bottom of it! 

Feedback welcome...xo

*Photo by David Goehring

Start Right Here...

Your Inner House-Pt 1

by Mick Kubiak, LMFT

For many of us, our homes are our sanctuaries. They provide us with refuge from the world out there—no matter how noisy, how unpredictable, how cruel, or how demanding it gets-at the end of the day, we can step into our safe spaces, and shut the door. We turn the lock with a deep sigh of relief. Here, we find peace and beauty for our weary hearts. We fall onto the couch, as if into the arms of a supportive and nurturing friend. There is a common phrase—all the comforts of home—that captures this daily return to safety and warmth.

But there is another home—even more vital and sacred than our primary residences. I speak here of the inner home of your Being—the internal space in which your thoughts, emotions, feelings, perceptions, schemes, and dreams unfold; the place from which you—You—view the world and the people and things in it.

One of the great tragedies of the human condition is that most of us do not know that we even have an inner home, and that it needs our attention, and energy, every bit as much as our external home does. Even worse, we have been taught that we don’t have much say in the matter of what goes on in there. We endure, and try to overlook or compartmentalize all kinds of darkness and waste that we would never tolerate in our world kitchens and living rooms.

We must forgive ourselves for this neglect, this lack of consciousness, because our mothers and fathers taught us how to cook and clean, and wash the car, how to balance our checkbooks and pay our bills, but most of them failed to teach us that we have to look inside, and attend to our inner homes as well. This was not malice on their part, but ignorance. They couldn’t teach us what they didn’t know.

Sometimes, the awareness that our inner home is a real place, a real place we haven’t paid much attention to, can be overwhelming, kind of like finding out that you own an actual house that no one told you about until now. When you first go to see it, you’re going to be like, oh dang, that place is a mess. And you might want to just walk away and pretend like you never saw it. Plenty of people do. 

But not you, dear House and Mind reader! Because you know that with the right encouragement and support, you can handle this! I’m telling you. You really can. And at some point in the future, when you have cleared the brush, fixed the broken door, and swept out the cobwebs, you will be standing full of joy in your inner home, so happy that you finally claimed this place for yourself.  

It is this state of inner presence that is known as self-possession, and if you’ve ever felt it in yourself, or sensed it in another person, you want it—poise, equanimity, and inner peace.  Yes, please!

So here you are, standing on the sidewalk, staring at the overgrown foliage and more than a little freaked out by what might be lurking inside the house. Will there be mice? Rats? Squatters? Well, the answers to those questions will come with time and you don’t need to freak out about any of it right now. In fact, if you remember only one thing as you do this work of reclaiming your inner home, this is it: Don’t freak out!  It’s not necessary. Choosing not to freak out is a certain kind of magic, and once you experience the power of it, you will never fully go back to freaking out again.

As you’ve understood by now, this inner home is not visible in the apparent world. It is a place you can only see with your eyes closed, if you can see it at all. I have noticed that some people see their inner world, some people feelit, and others hearit. Still others just somehow grasp it without reference point to any of the five traditional senses. They just know.

You will find the way that works for you if you willingly suspend any disbelief that you have an inner home. In other words, you don’t have to believe it; you just have to be open to the possibility of experiencing it. 

So let’s start there, and let’s start small. This first session will be like a Tiny Tidy for your inner home. 

1. Set a timer for 5 minutes, and close your eyes with the intention of finding out what is going on inside. 

2. Notice what you are hearing—spoken word snippets from your lifelong to do list, snappy comebacks you wish you had thought of in your last conversation, that Taylor Swift song you can’t ever seem to escape. Imagine all that noise is coming from a TV set or a radio, and you can turn it off, turn it down, or just tune it out. Sometimes it really can be that simple. 

3. Once you have attained some inner quiet, notice how the space inside you feels. Does it feel open and light, or cluttered and claustrophobic? For now, just notice. Get a lay of the land. Remember our cardinal rule: it is not necessary to freak out. Just observe and rest easy in the confidence that you can handle anything. You can restore order, brighten, lighten, straighten and shine, as needed. 

4. When the timer goes off, you’re done. Go live your life, and repeat these steps tomorrow, again for 5 minutes. 

Stay tuned for more, next week! xo

Go to: Inner Housekeeping, Pt. 2

Do I Have to Be Mean to Get Ahead?

This is another core belief that lies at the core of many people struggle with-when trying to get their brand-new, spanking ideas out there, going for a new job or promotion, or making a dream a reality. They feel they will have to metamorphose into someone, or something, else. Something bad. Something diabolically ....not them. That they, dear hearts, will have to learn to swim with the sharks in life, or drown, drown...drown!

Well, guess what? You don't. 150 trillion percent, you do not.

But! 

What does getting ahead really mean... to you? Why are you imagining you will have to become someone monstrous, or back-biting? Who have you been dealing with, and what exact beliefs do you have that correlate to this image in your head? Probably, like most of us, gleaming them from way too much TV and movies that reaffirm these things! There are so many crushing stereotypes of "successful" people out there, in every, single field. (And I have never worked on Wall Street, so, stop right here if you are!) But seriously...

You have to remember something:  You have no choice but to be who you really are.

(I know. But bear with me here, please! ;) You will never, ever be able to step all over someone if you are already this worried about doing so, or turn into a version of yourself that you hate... So...don't worry about it! Take this belief off the table. Then look a little deeper: What else is there? Do you feel you will become unlovable? Too successful for anyone to really like? Why? Do you let this type of envy get in the way of certain friendships or life goals, without even realizing it, in your real life? Or maybe you're frightened that others will automatically feel the very same way very about you, if you succeed?

OR, are you perhaps concerned that the upcoming promotion will make you just like every other asshole manager you know? It won't. And that's a terrible reason not go for it. Maybe- you just do not really want to be a manager! And have more time off for your kids or to go running or socializing with friends. Okay. If you can weigh the future gains versus this version of your present, and still come out feeling good- than you are all set! You do NOT really want that promotion...

However! If you feel that the promotion will make you excel, give you a better lifestyle and amplify your desires, then just go for it! No matter that every other manager you have had has been truly awful. You will be the awesome one!

And know, in your heart, that the only "shark” in your heartis the one that is keeping you from getting what you want. Throw out the false belief system that is holding you back from a new experience, opportunity or job that may be presenting itself, if you are already "performing" and imagining the kind of person it's going to turn you into, in that little head of yours...

Relax! You are an ultra-good person, my dear. And some job, opportunity or experience can never, ever take that away from you. Swim with the sharks, even when you feel like a tiny minnow! Be the change you want to see has no more authentic use than in a situation like this.

But you don't have to really "be the change." 

You can just be little ole' you. 

Phew...Doesn't that feel good?

Why Am I Still Broke?... (and other silly beliefs)

Why are you still broke? 

Is it the job? Is it bearing the great responsibility of your family's needs? Is it the fact that everyone is coming first, maybe-their needs, desires, and wants pushing past your own, to the point that you do not even know what you really want?

I often find myself in this place: Frustrated, stuck and unable to make a positive change that will bring me more prosperity. 

But what lies beneath all of this? 

Recently, I have come to think that it is our embedded, almost invisible belief system. The beliefs that we walk around with, that whisper to us constantly, that we had absolutely no clue were ever-present, running at a very low frequency at the back of our brains, and, essentially and eventually, running our very lives. Sometimes the hum of these beliefs turns into a roar, as when you never allow yourself new experiences because they are "too  expensive" and "how could I ever afford that?!!?"

Would you want to hang out with someone who is constantly complaining, sighing, feeling less than, feeling undeserving? Neither does the Universe, believe me.

Have you ever witnessed one of those conversations with someone trying to explain a new project or what they are focusing on in an upbeat way, and the other person keeps saying "But, but... but!" ? It's truly almost comical. Usually, the upbeat person just shrugs, smiles and eventually and politely scoots away from the "but-ing" person as fast as they can. 

The Universe is the same way!

If you feel you don't deserve something (Belief) the Universe will simply shrug, smile and move on, until you are ready to have a more fun, fulfilled conversation with it.

Take some time today, go on a little walk, if you can, and think about what you really would like to have in your life, in material, more "prosperous" way:

 $5k more a month? A new job? A fun, summer  wardrobe? That trip to Cabo? What isit? Then, go deeper...

Listen, as you hear that hum start. Low at first...What is it really saying to you? Translate it, and listen closely! Are you imagining that someone who is financially and materially self-fulfilled is always going to be an asshole deep down? Or afraid you wouldn't be able to hang with people like that, if you get to that "level?" What is this ever-present hum trying to tell you? Tease it out, bit by bit, hum by hum...Just-let it unspool. 

Then, on your walk- go back in time a little bit: When did these beliefs really start? Is there a way to identify them? Usually it's a story, or a piece of an old memory, actually, that sticks out. And maybe it's so silly and small, you couldn't possibly think it has any weight or power. Think again!

There is a reason these little memories, seemingly so tucked away and normally hidden, are your absolute go-tos when that hum starts, and you start trying to decipher them...Something lodged within there that you deeply believed, somehow. And still do, especially if you are reading this far, believe me! 

Just remember that this is just a beginning.

But if you really focus and listen, you will be surprised to learn that what you really thought was just an everyday thought has had tremendous power over your daily dealings. (And not simply in your financial realm.) 

When you have chosen a few choice "stories," your work now is in how you are going to unravel and deprogram them. You need to supply a new narrative, one that honors the old thoughts as you would an old lover...Then, let them go, as you make way for bright, shiny new ones. 

It could go something like this:

"Yes, my friends may have been snarky and jealous when they saw my first day of school outfit when I was 7, and made fun of me."

Whoa! That's a big one. This memory = the Belief: "Who the hell did I think I was, to feel so good in my new clothes? I must not be worthy of them." etc.

Or, you overheard your parents fighting intensely about money, maybe even on a daily basis. This needs some huge unraveling.

This memory = the Belief: "Life is a struggle, because me and my siblings were a terrible burden. It's going to be hard for me to survive and support myself, too!"

You have to remember something:  Your parents made their own choices.You were not the burden. Their choices were their burden to carry.  You were the child. A gift, for God's sake. And sure, maybe you have compassion for your parents, eventually. But not before you get as angry at hell at them, first, if you feel like it!  Kids should be allowed to be kids. I don't care where someone grows up, or what circumstances they are in. To have a child is a choice. If you screw it up, and can't afford to have the lifestyle you want to give your child, it's all on you. They had no right at all to make it your and  or your siblings' problem. I do not care what type of childhood they had. The awful mother or father they were cursed with. Their painful, poverty-stricken childhood, or terrible divorce. 

It does not matter. Th decision to have a family was all on them. 

Are you bristling right now? That's because the truth can often be very painful, and difficult to bear. Even for grown-up "children," who are probably still suffering themselves.

 Here is where  the compassion comes in: Your parents, grandparents or caretakers are only human. They were only doing their best (even if their best sucked.) But please, be and feel angry, if it feels right and safe to do so. Be sad, if you need to. Write all of this down, if that's helpful. All of these feelings are perfectly allowed. 

Now do the above with every belief you've ever had, as they come up, pertaining to wealth, prosperity, and money. Mine are intense, I assure you. Just go through and let go of those teachers, classmates, old friends, lovers, parents, relatives. Let them go into the ether where they belong-as they hum right through and OUT THE DOOR of your belief system. Let them go! 

Then, replace these old ones with some shiny, new beliefs, like the ones below:

(Again, this are not affirmations. Just beliefs to start thinking about, and replacing when that same old song sounds again in your brain.)

• I was only a kid. I didn't have any control over my life or my parents' lives.
• Money doesn't equal happiness. But I still deserve to have as much of it as I want!
• I need and want certain things in my life to bring me joy-things money can buy- and that's okay.
• Struggling financially does not make me more interesting, more creative, or freer. 
• I can never have enough money. The supply out there is limitless.
• I deserve to have a teeming, full bank account. 

Lastly, if you have really identified some core beliefs you have been carrying about your own wealth and prosperity, now would be a great time to work with a good therapist.

Contact us for some great recs. It can change your life (and hopefully, your bank balance!) 

Have a great week...xo

PS- If you are REALLY in need of a Universal Financial Reboot, try this little wonder. I use it every time I am freaking about my finances, and therapist Lesli Johnson says that The Art of Money is "life-changing" (!) 

Tiny Tidy: Your Everyday Bag/Purse!

This, admittedly, will be easy for some of us-and absolute hell for others. Choose which bag you'd like to conquer today- your tote bag for work, your everyday purse, your computer bag-whichever functions as your go-to, everyday-type-of-situation bag.

OKAY! HERE WE GO!

1. Grab your bag.
2. Go and sit somewhere comfortably that also has some nice space to spread out the goods-maybe the couch near a coffee table, or your kitchen table (if the table is clear enough!)
3. Open that bag.
4. Peer in!
5. What is your first feeling? Alarm? Distress? Anxiety at the twisted receipts and ratty hair ties lying at the bottom? Or maybe-calm, soothed and relaxed? (you little bitch! ;) 
6. Yes, you truly want to go for that feeling of being calm and organized every time you glance in there. Your money, phone, keys, planner, maybe your iPad or laptop- whatever you keep in there- it's... your life! This is important stuff. Pay attention to how you want to feel about these things, every single day. Focus. 
7. Take out your wallet/checkbook/where you stash your receipts (if you do that.) 
8. How do you feel? Anxious? Sort through your wallet-pulling out anything extraneous-slips/receipts/stubs, etc.
9. DECIDE THIS: Sort it/stash it/trash it! Then do that!
10. Put aside your wallet and checkbook, on the table.
11. Pull out anything cosmetic-hand lotion, hand sanitizer,  lip balm, make-up in a case. Go through it. Wipe it down with a damp paper towel or baby wipe. 
12. Put these cosmetics and similar items aside.
13. Go through whatever the hell else is in there. Have a comb or hairbrush? Go rinse them out in the bathroom sink, and set them on the sill to dry.
14. DECIDE THIS AGAIN: Sort it/stash it/trash- any junk YOU DO NOT NEED/USE EVERYDAY, or is basically nonessential.
15. Put anything you essential you want to keep on the table. 
16. Grab a baby wipe or damp paper towel or rag, and clean that bag-inside & out! (NOTE: Empty out your bag in the sink first, before cleaning.)
17. Look at everything you- ahem- set out on the table...Just relax. We will get through it.
18. What would make you feel more "together," day-to-day? A new app on your phone? Maybe you are secretly analogue and old-school, and want to get a pretty, new Day-Planner? Perhaps it's some new lipstick, or (in my case) a way to keep a mini-version of your everyday make-up routine in your very small clutch. Whatever it is! Make a note of it, and try to make these purchases (or pull from your own home) this very week.
19. Put everything BACK in your everyday bag/purse.
20. Breathe sigh of great relief!

YOU DID IT! Great job...

The OG organizing tool, from Filofax...Grab it, below.

Tiny Tidy: Your Spice Cabinet!

Okay! Let's be honest, here:  When was the last time you checked the dates on those spice jars and tins you have lurking (in maybe more than one place!) in your kitchen? That little bottle of ancient bay leaves you haven't used for ages? The three cans of Kosher Salt saved in the very back? C'mon! We are going to hit this baby, and hit it fast and easy…

Let's Get Started!

1. Make some room on the counter, cabinet or drawer space near where you house your spice collection. 
2. Place a rag or dish towel over this space, and keep an extra, damp rag handy to wipe off any grimy/dusty jars.
3. First, start taking out each little bottle, jar and/or tin of spices. Look at the expiration date (most actually have these, even though we think they last forever.)
4. Separate what you are going to toss and recycle (container-wise.)
5. Now, have a post-it note or small piece of paper handy. Pretend it is Thanksgiving, Passover, brunch day, date night- and you are cooking away, at YOUR house. What the hell did you forget? Thyme? Tumeric? That special salt rub you are famous for on that rib roast? Mark these babies down, if you realize you are out of 'em...
6. Wipe off what you are keeping. 
7. I am NOT suggesting you (God forbid!) alphabetize your spices, but do yourself a favor here, and place back those spices you use the very least- in the way back of the drawer, cabinet or counter space where your spices live. 
8. Put everything back in, as you wish it to look.
9. Dump all old spices out of bottles and tins; recycle their old containers (or take off labels to jars and wash them.) They are cute! You can save them for storage, or to keep fresh spices in the fridge. 
10. You are done! See that! EASY-peezy! Now, add any fun, new spices you wish to aquire (now is the time to think creatively of your future cooking plans!) to your grocery list! OR:

:))) Have a great weekend...xo

Suffering, and why it is eternal, and important to recognize...

What a week this has been. I woke up this morning to find out that Anthony Bourdain, the renowned chef and host of Parts Unknown for CNN, died by suicide. This past Tuesday, iconic fashion designer Kate Spade did the same. 

Talking with friends and acquaintances about Spade's passing this week, I realized that her untimely death struck a very chord nerve with women of all ages. I can feel everyone thinking "If this woman wasn't happy....what's the point of trying to succeed at all?" Of course, this is a very reductive way of thinking about the reactions, but that was definitely the underpinning of the great feeling of loss we all felt. 

Cultural losses aside, I think it's important to recognize that when we, or someone we care about is suffering, we absolutely must attention. I know it is a commonplace spiritual practice lately to recognize "suffering" as constructs only of our thoughts, but this is simply not true.  Life can be tragic, diabolically painful, and sad. And at times, it may feel as if you are drowning in loss and regret. 

What does happen, and what mental illness of any kind masks and distorts, is that these thoughts and feelings pass, eventually. They always do. That is why it always so important to feel your grief, talk to those whom you really trust (and preferably, a good therapist) and ask yourself, kindly, what is at the bottom of any feelings of extreme sadness or grief. 

It is hard to feel grateful, go out for a run, make positive plans, do constructive work, or pursue your passions when you are feeling like crap. I know it. But this sadness is trying to speak to you. It is so important to listen. 

If you (or a person close to you) are having thoughts of suicide, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 (TALK) and get some help. You deserve it. xo

How To Feel (a bit!) Better When You Just Feel Bad

This is such a hard post to write, because, like many of its kind, I tend to focus on quick remedies as exercise, meditation, and opening up to those feelings, as we just discussed in our last post about suffering and depression. Of course, as we know, yes, they do help, naturally, in the moment...

But, as I will be candid enough to share with you now, I have been having "one of those weeks." Even thinking about doing yoga or meditating made me anxious. Sometimes, trying to figure out how to relieve our negative feelings only greatly adds to the anxiety of our guilt of feeling them in the first place. 

I decided to make a list.

Well, a few, actually. I made lists about what I want to change. I made a list about the things I want, in the material sense (hello, new white couch!) period. I made another list about what absolutely sucked this week and I another list about what made me sad, anxious, and upset this week. And finally, I created a list about what I want to change in my life.

From these lists, I will try and take a good, lengthy and hard look at how my brain seems conditioned to loop right back into negativity, and how I can continue to rewire my brain! Reading the work of others who have made this their life work also greatly helps, like Dr. Rick Hanson. Also, booking a session with a therapist who practices EMDR therapy, like therapist Lesli Johnson , can be tremendously life-changing. (We will be talking about EMDR more extensively in the coming weeks).

But, I think that by beginning to keep these journaling "lists," I will be able to allow myself to really "see" these patterns, and therefore, be able to mentally hi-jack them more effectively, moving forward, before they can dig in.

 I encourage you to also start this practice, especially when you are having very "good" days: Bullet-point out, really simply in your journal, what went well, who you were with, and why it was so good. Notate the successes as well as the sh*tty parts of your week and month. And, as always, please feel free to email or comment to let us know how you did!

Here's to a much better week starting on Monday, and a very splendid weekend! Thank you, as always, for reading this week...xo

What Are You REALLY Worth?

How did you really feel reading the above headline? 

If you're like me, you felt an instant little shot of anxiety.

If you didn't, you are allowed to stop reading...;) But, the truth seems to be, that in my experience, most people, especially and unfortunately, women, do not know how to negotiate properly for themselves, and not just in relation to financial interactions: This happens in business, day-to-day work challenges, family and friendship boundary issues, and, really most importantly-with themselves and their own instincts…

It seem different and inaccurate to speak about negotiating, say, a financial business proposition, with, for example, jockeying for the best room in the group cottage you're renting with family this summer, but is it really that different? 

Considering both options leaves one with usually a very similar body-mind anxiety trap: You tense up just thinking about it, maybe even start to perspire a bit, all the while thinking that this situation will end up like the last-and you will end up as you maybe felt before-frustrated and unhappy with the result. 

I am certainly NOT a business coach, or a family therapist, for that matter, but I want to share a few techniques and tips that I have been personally working on lately: 

When Negotiating For Business: 

What do you really want out of this transaction? A better career position? More money? Recognition? Get to the bottom of it. It's important to know. How does the proposed deal really feel? That little ping of anxiety in the pit of your stomach (or chest, or heart) I was talking about? That is absolutely your intuition talking to you. So, talk back to it. Get out your journal, or pen and paper, and ask it: What is the problem, here? Do you perhaps not like/respect/trust the person, in a way that is comfortable for you? Forget about your "comfort zone" here, for a moment. This is not a test of that. This is your Intuition reaching out and appealing to you, by making you un-comfortable in your body. Really try listening to it. Keep asking until you maybe get an answer that never even occurred to you. Maybe the answer is: "I have spent far too much time advancing other's projects. It is now time to work on my own stuff!" Let your Intuition advocate for you. It wants to, it is longing to do this.  It is trying. I promise.

The Ask: 

If the thought of renegotiating genuinely fills with you too much dread, but you have decided that that is absolutely what you must do, then write it in an email instead, and, if possible, have something new drawn up, contract-wise,  with the help of a lawyer. Especially if you are doing business with friends, this is the only way not to feel slighted and misaligned, moving forward. Are you possibly leaving yourself open for disaster, in a professional sense? Maybe. But-you are making yourself vulnerable. At least give the offer a little negotiation-padding, so, when in person, you have some wiggle room when the other party tries to then renegotiate. And remember, this is truly a baby step if you have not negotiated anything significant before. The re-writtern contract alone should alert the person that you know your worth, understand what is at stake, and value your own participation in the project. If you and the other party have only have a handwritten or typed agreement, rewrite/type that yourself, on your own terms, and submit that to them. Baby steps, baby! Remember that. 

When Negotiating with Friends or Family: 

Some of you may be like, "What's the Big Deal?" Again, that is awesome, you are a badass who knows how to stand up for themselves! Good for you! For the rest of us, that frozen feeling may have been felt again-just reading the above headline. Here are some situations that may come up for you this summer when dealing with friends or family, and here a few tips to deal with them: 

Traveling with Friends or Family?

Usually, things of this manner that come up are: Who is booking the Air B-n-B/hotel/cottage? How do we split up the rent/groceries/supplies? Who is doing the cooking? Who is watching the kids, when so-and-so goes hiking/waterskiing/diving, oh my?

If you have an unruly band of friends or family, but they are generally good for paying everyone back, put yourself in charge, if you have time, of booking and scheduling, if this appeals to you. If not, figure out who the hell in your group loves it! Believe me, even in the most slap-dash crowd, there is a Type A lurking in your midst. Find them! Anoint them! Lavish them with praise! 

Make it your job to put this new A-Gamer in charge of booking the place, paying (then getting reimbursed-and believe me, they will get reimbursed, don't worry about them!) making up a cooking schedule-wherein a different party does dinner on alternating nights for EVERYONE (and procures and pays for groceries on said night) and compiling a loose list and perhaps schedule of local activities. Suggest to the A-Gamer that they utilize any teens in your midst to help babysit the little kids and supervise the older ones-but for a fee-which the A-Gamer will come up with. (Show these teens what they are worth early on, and they will never have to read an article like this!) If your group is fancier, and tends to go out to eat as a large group more often, put your A-Gamer happily in charge of divvying-up the bill for everyone, iPhone at the ready. 

And you know what? Without even asking, this A-Gamer will probably know to place which people in what rooms by need of their kids/significant others, or will simply be savvy enough to start a convenient flip-a-coin or lottery system to divvy up rooms once everyone finally arrives. Continue to empower these people in your midst! They love it, they will truly make your life a charm, and will help everyone's vacation to be fantastic. Make sure them to get them a great bottle wine when all is said and done, or treat them to a nice lunch on the trip.

So, you see? Sometimes your self-worth depends on valuing other's strengths around you, too. Sometimes it is all about knowing when you are NOT being properly valued, listing to your gut, and getting the hell out of the situation, if you cannot negotiate for what you really want and need. (And remember- sometimes what you really want and need is to bolt.) ;) 

I do know how difficult and anxiety-producing this all can be, and I respect each and every one of us who chooses to advocate on your own behalf, no matter how little or daunting the situation may seem to the outside world-at-large. I am with you! Feel free to tell us about any recent journeys, and how they turned out...xo 

Tiny Tidy: Your Medicine Cabinet!

This one, for some reason, seems to strike a note of dread in many-but-much like the Make-Up Bag Tiny Tidy from last week, can actually, dare I say, be "fun." You can discover some new stuff that has been hiding, give away what you're not using, and make room and way for some new treats! 

Now, full disclosure, I also have a few, roomy drawers under my linen closet- which I use to store first-aid stuff, extra medicine like cough syrup and the like, as well as spare make-up, hairbrushes and sewing supplies, as well as some extra toiletries. I do keep these pretty organized, and because of this fact-my medicine cabinet never really gets too out-of-control. 

Okay, ready-or-not-here we GO!: 

What You Need:

-Magic Eraser

-Fave natural cleanser

-A rag or two

-New Con-Tact Paper (if you're feeling super ambitious) for the little shelves and sides and far "wall" of your medicine cabinet

WHAT TO DO: 

• Make a clear, clean space, maybe lined with a towel, where you can literally dump everything into (or line your sink with a handtowel-and conveniently use that space.)
• Dump everything out!
• Wipe down the gunked-up shelves and inside of the medicine cabinet. Use the cleanser and Magic Eraser, and really get in there!
• Wipe  down even more with the rags, even pulling out the little shelves, if you can.
• Look at all of the stuff you dumped out. Take a very CLOSE look.
• What is old/icky/expired? What?! Be ruthless. (You can do it.) Go through any meds, hair ties, lotions, potions, hair stuff, make-up in there- whatever it is! 
• Separate the products and things that you are tossing or maybe giving away, if some things are still in good shape, but sadly unused. That's okay! Someone else will love & appreciate that Leave-In Hair Conditioner or fancy soap you never use, and has been just gathering dust and sitting in there for awhile.
• If extra ambitious-cut and use the new Con-Tact Paper here-on the shelves and/or interior of your medicine cabinet.
• Start carefully putting things back, but be strategic about it! Don't just toss the stuff back in. 
• What do you reach for the very most, twice a day (or more???) Cleanser? Moisturizer? Toothbrush and toothpaste? Put what you use the most in the most accessible, easy-to-reach-for area of your medicine cabinet. 
• Some More Tips: Keep the nail polish and serums and things you use on a more sporadic basis on your  tippy-top shelves. 
• Get creative-group like things with like, and then even group by color-just for fun!
• Make a little list of things you need and maybe WANT! Hey, a new nail polish can do wonders for both one's psych, peace of mind, and anxiety level. Especially when you open that cabinet, and feel a ray of soothing, calm organized sunshine, instead of getting hit by an errant bottle of nail polish remover!

Have a great weekend! xo

Restock the fun and affordable way, thorugh our friends at Target below: 

Learning How to be "Self" Careful...

I was having a really stressful day this week. I mean, I felt like my adrenals were really going to go up in smoke, or something. I had had a ton of iced tea (my fave caffeinated drink of choice), and I knew I just should have probably: Gone for a yoga class, taken a trip to the gym, walked around the park in my neighborhood, splurged on a massage...But something in me just wanted to continue doing what I was doing. I was working on a new project, even though it was way past my bedtime, and I was getting pretty wiped out...

Now, yes, yes, yes: I could have stopped, had a nice, crisp glass of white wine, called a friend, or dallied around and gone online, but... I decided to power through what I was working on. I knew, intuitively, what was what going to make me feel the best: Moving forward and not necessarily getting it all done, but making just enough progress until I could feel that satisfied "click,"and stop. 

And I realized, whether this was a good thing or bad, learned or conditioned, my own response to stress at the time, whatever- I just had to really and simply respect the need for that "click" feeling. It gave me a bit of a natural high, and made me THEN want to relax, as if I'd really earned it. 

My friend the therapist Mick Kubiak explains that this is my very own version of behavior modification, to which I say-well, good!

If it works for me, I think it...works!

So, listen: Please. Do not force yourself to take a bath, watch another show on your Netflix queue, or even workout in the name of "self-care," if it's going to possibly cause you more anxiety when you are stressed to your limit. I have left more than one "forced" yoga class, glaring at some of the terribly rude drivers in my gym's huge parking lot afterward, my calm dissolving instantly. Of course, I really and certainly do not want to discourage exercising in order to decrease your stress levels, but sometimes, you have to face that mother head on. You have to just deal with it-whatever it may be-kid's homework help, piles of laundry, that report that needs to get done, banking, paying bills-whatever it may be that is grabbing a hold of your brain, and not letting go.... Now, that's some self-carefulness. xo

But, JUST in case you want to treat yourself (after you're done being self-careful, of course): (!)

From our friends at Honest Beauty: 

Weekend Project: Say No Until It's a Hell YES!

This weekend, I want you to try, as much as you can, to take time off from any dull chores and cleaning that you can out off, unless it's a Hell, YES! I want you to take at least one day to do exactly what you feel like doing:

-Want to lie in bed and read all day? Hell YEAH? Then do it?

-How about finally going on that solo hike you have been wanting to try? Hell yes!

-That trip to Chinatown to buy some cool knick-knacks and tonight's dinner ingredients? YES, YES YES! 

This is the weekend for you to recharge. It's Memorial Day! Remember how great it is to do what you like to do, is my point. 

Some "Hell, YES!" Suggestions:

-Guilt your kids into doing laundry for a little spending money so you can curl up on the porch and read that new novel!

-Go out for Happy Hour with your old college buddies!

-Go to every single garage sale in your neighborhood!

-Invite people over, and make them bring stuff, so you can all relax and enjoy each other's company!

-Get a MASSAGE! 

-Go to the new museum or art exhibit downtown-by yourself

-Go and see a really silly action movie (you can take your pick this weekend!)

-Whatever your little heart desires that will not harm you or anyone else...

Have a wonderful holiday weekend! And if you are working, try to carve out a few hours to give yourself what you need and crave, whether it be a glass of wine or a yoga class...

Have a good one! xo

How Pop Culture Can Make You Appreciate What You Have & Why We ALL need to be watching the "Handmaid's Tale"

First of all, this is not a sponsored plug for HULU! But I have become rather obsessed with their amazing show The Handmaid's Tale, now in its second season. 

If you don't know the story, it is based on the iconic novel by Margaret Atwood, and takes place in a not-too-distant future in the U.S.- where women have been stripped of all agency and authority and freedom, essentially. June, the protagonist, is forced to become a "handmaid," a human breeder for wealthier, infertile families of the various "commanders" of this new and horrifying republic. 

The acting, production value and attention to detail- even for great television, it is really an extraordinary work of art, I feel...

And it is basically terrifying. It is exquisitely brutal in showing us how freedom can be stripped away to the point where you are left utterly victimized. As many friends I have become rather obsessed with this show, some refuse to watch it. It's too "disturbing," they say. Okay, I get that...Life is too short, there are so many other fabulous things to with our time (and great shows to watch! ;) So, why bother, right?

I think, especially in this incredibly tense political atmosphere, it is so very important to value the freedom we have, in this country and in our personal lives, and learn to cherish it better. One recent episode of the show made me come to the conclusion that I need to go out dancing! (And not to go out  dancing more, just...to GO! I couldn't recall the last time I had been.) I mean...

As inundated as we are with just SO may blog and Instagram posts, TV reccos for the weekend, fresh movies, news updates coming in from every direction- please remember to take the time to seek out the things in our everyday culture that not only inspire and enrich you, but scare the sh*t out of you too, in a very good, productive way...

It will keep you on your toes, especially with all of these many elections coming up in June and then November. The more you can appreciate the fullness and freedom of your life right now (stripped of your current desires and longings and dreams) the more you can realize just how important it is to value it, in any way you can: Whether that be volunteering for the upcoming elections and GOTV (Get Out The Vote!) processes in your town or city, or spending more time on real, genuine activism than constant Facebook haranguing, even the most mundane of your days has value when you appreciate the freedom you do have...xo

Tiny Tidy: Your Make-Up Bag!

This one is pretty fun, I have to say, because you get to chuck all of the old stuff, and dream about some pretty new things to refresh that ole' make-up bag of yours...

If you have a drawer/shelf AND a make-up bag, just pick one, or do both, if you're feeling extra-ambitious today...Okay...GET ready to...

CLEAN OUT YOUR MAKE-UP BAG!

1. Get a small bowl of warm, soapy water ready and some rags
2. Lay some fresh rags down on the surface you want to use
3. Get out your bag & dump everything out right now!
4. Scan it, check things...
5. TOSS: Mascara older than 3 months, according to the word on the street. Eye pencils that are worn down to nubs. Eye shadow that has change color from mixing with other colors (6 months if cream shadow) Lipstick & gloss-2 years, actually, if kept well! (In my book, depending on your wear of them...)
6. Place your make-up brushes in the warm, soapy bowl of water, and RINSE GENTLY, and several times (until they rinse clean.) Blot with a clean wash cloth delicately. Lay brushes out to dry on windowsill, on top of a clean cloth. 
7. Wipe off what you're keeping, making a mental (or physical!) list of what you need/long for/want to add to your make-up bag, including sunscreen for the coming season.
8. Put everything back in your bag, in drawer, on shelf. Feel better? No? Look and go through, and toss some more.
9. Surprisingly, albeit in a smaller way, make-up can have that same hold some aspirational clothing purchases do: That expensive, crazy-red lipstick when you when out on a date with THAT guy, the sparkly green eye shadow for the Mardi Gras party...Give it to your niece or kid to play with, or toss it! 
10. Go and replenish & restock with some great (clean) beauty finds at: 

(But only if necessary ;) Yay! You are DONE! xoxo

Zen, & the Art of Not Losing Your Sh*T!

I had a big event last weekend with the non-profit I help run last week, and well, the night before, I kind of lost it: There were so many details, so many things I wanted to get right, and it was very important that this event went off rather flawlessly. And you know what? The event went pretty great. BUT. It came at a huge cost time: My peace of mind! Time to do things a little differently, for sure. 

Could I have asked for help, mediated, ran to a yoga class, chilled the hell out, somehow? Yes. I mean, sure. I could have, I suppose. But I was SO wrapped up in what I was feeling, that it felt really almost impossible to get some clarity, to get that "this too shall pass" feeling, the knowledge that all of this would be over by the very next night!

But herein lies the big question: When you are triggered again and again by certain situations, and if they happen to be professional, say, like in this case, isn't it time to make some kind of a real and genuine change? Maybe you are having great difficulty seeing and doing things clearly and properly because you really SHOULD ACTUALLY BE CONDUCTING YOUR LIFE DIFFERENTLY! Really! And I know this is hard to hear when the situation seems like a an all-out trap, or you simply cannot see any way to add to change it. 

But,  if you can, try. You maybe can keep mediating around it, and running to a yoga class, and eating as healthy as you like-BUT: If your soul is crying out for you to REALLY and TRULY change your behavior, or a particular aspect of your work or life,  you really must honor yourself in this way. We all have options, even though, I understand, it's sh*tty to hear sometimes, and we often kick our heels against the back of driver's seat, feeling trapped in our own little car seat of life. 

But, the truth is, we are NOT. 

We can all make changes, no matter how difficult they may seem at the moment. You do deserve to feel better, and fulfilled, and to feel divinely guided, I am here to tell you this. Listen to that whining, crying, frazzled little voice when things have gotten, well too damn much! You need to listen! Pay some attention! Would you leave a screaming baby alone in the wilderness? No! (I would hope that you would not! ;) 

Please don't band-aid yourself with too much self-care, when what you really need to be doing is changing direction, whether it may be a little bit,  or going toward a completely new one. You can do it! I just know that you can.  And if you need help doing so, please, by all means, contact us.  

We can help you make some changes. 

xo

Spring Cleaning: Week Four-YOUR CLOSETS!

This is the last week of our Spring Cleaning Guide, so, rejoice! This last week can be either painful, or fun, or both, depending on how much of a hoarder you have been this year. The key to this week? Start small! We're talking a hall closet, or a few shelves of your linen closet, first. So, have a closet you have in mind that is the least terrible, and get ready to go!

CLEAR OUT YOUR CLOSETS FOR SPRING!

What You'll Need: 

• A Can-Do Attitude (You can do this. You can!)

• A few rags and your fave natural cleanser

• Garbage bags/boxes

Let's grab a box or go, stand in front of the chosen closet, and GO:

1. Let's observe first. What is happening in there? Why are your kid's crafts stuff piled in the linen closet? Is it lack of creative space, or lack of creativity in your storage options? Be honest, here. Where can you put the stuff stashed in this closet that simply does not belong?

2. We will use for this example your hall closet:

3. Start pulling out what does NOT belong. You know what those things are! Just pull it all out for now. (Your heart may start racing. Do not worry. We will get to that stuff!)

4. Now look at that! Not perfect, but nice, right? Just maybe coats and boots in the coat closet.

5. Now, what bothers you, bumps out at you, makes the emotional viewing experience, well, unpleasant? Is it that horrendous and dreadful pile of gloves/hats/mittens on the very top shelve? Grab them. Go and get your prettiest, saved shopping bag from the one time you went to that fancy store and splurged. Put that mittens, hats, gloves in there. Push it back on top, or hang it on the inside of the door. The pretty bag will make you happy, remind you to treat yourself, and the winter stuff and accessories will still be very accessible, even more so now. (#Yay)

6. Go through what is left in there again. Look at all of those coats and jackets in your hall closet, for example. Consider this: If not used daily, could they perhaps go in the owner's own closet? Perhaps, right? Duh. Get all of those coats and blazers and things out of there that don't get used often.

7. And as your are repositioning those items, check them out? Do they still fit you/your partner/your kid? No? Put it in a convenient garbage bag to give to your friend or your fave charity.

8. Get more creative with what is left, and be a little bit ruthless. If you live in a city apartment, you may have a vacuum cleaner in there. That's okay. But can that damn ladder be stored in your super's closet, to be borrowed back when needed? (He/she might love to be able to use it, and, let's face it, it's a pain in the *ss to have a ladder in your coat closet!)

9. Put everything back. If you're too exhausted by some of the bigger things, and truly have no storage that you can think of to reposition them, do not despair. You did better than you think!

10. Go watch some Netflix and relax for a bit.

11. Ready again? Okay. Take a deep breath. It's time to...

Hit your bedroom closet! (I know) 

1. Grab some fresh garbage bags. 

2. Find another pretty shopping bag. This one stays in your closet, to use to put clothes you may want to sell, may want to keep-you are not sure.

3. I keep all seasons of clothing in my closet, mostly, but again, I live in LA. It's easier. (If you switch/store your seasonal clothing, you will be doing that after you clear.)

4. Here is where our dear friend Marie Kondo comes in very handy: Look at everything. What "bumps," makes you anxious, reminds of the worst date of your life? Like, truly, gives you some teensy (or major?) anxiety? IT GOES.

5. Do the above again. And again. And again! It doesn't matter the order. Do it with t-shirts. Pants. Jeans. Dresses. Skirts! What fits? Are you really going to alter that? I'm a fan of knowing that some pieces of clothing you love but never wear are actually waiting for the right time to blossom into your life. If you love it but don't wear it too much, for God's sake, just keep it, please.

6. Look at your shoes. Full disclosure: I am not shoe-obsessed. I know tat may be an anomaly. But seriously, it is my belief that most women have WAYYYY too many shoes. Go through these. Most are uglier than you think, trust me. GET. RID. OF. THEM. Separate them by season, if you have them lumped all together. Be ruthless. And guess what? I will allow you some guilt free shopping afterwards. Start your list of what you need with the shoes.

7. See how easy it was to dump those atrocious, old shoes when you knew you had permission to get some new ones/ Excited to finish this damn closet now? I thought so. Guess what? You can't buy any new clothes yet, okay? Just go through what you have decided NOT to give away now...

8. Spritz the walls of your closet with your rag and cleanser, give it a good rub-down.

9. Look at what's left. Really look. hang it all back up, refold your sweaters. Put it back in.

10. Look at what is remaining AGAIN.

11. What makes you feel less than? Fat? Anxious? If the amount of money you paid for an item you frankly hate is weighing on you, put it in the shopping bag to sell. (More on Poshmark later!)

12. But House & Mind, you may be asking: What if I am left with two pairs of jeans, three tops, and five sweaters? That's okay. You won't be, if you are reading this. Keep sifting.

13. Now, take a deep breath, and observe your handiwork.

14. Do you like what you see and feel? If not, keep going.

15. As you can see, this is not a matter of folding your sweatshirts correctly. Its' about what you have in your wardrobe, and what your wardrobe represents to YOU, that really matters here...

16. Take out your bags, purses, belts, scarves & whatever other accessories you have multiples of.

17. Do these same thing as with your shoes. Be more ruthless. Especially with those damm scarves! Go through. Go through. And go through again. Gift a nice bag you never wear to your mom/niece/best pal/fave barista. Put everything back. If you can be more creative this time, try it. Stack your least used purses in a basket, say, or the scarves now in a drawer.

18. Put back your seasonal clothing/switch it out now, and do the same thing with your summer stuff, above.

19. Look at your bedroom closet again.

20. Do you see now that what really matters is what is inside? xo Yay!

21. Repeat later on in the week with any kids' or guest room closets, etc.

22. YAY! You are done! (And you RULE!)

Repeat with any other closets you may have left. xo

Try to use what you have to organize. If you're done, and still need a little polishing, try ANY the goodies from our friends at Target:

Tiny Tidy: The Cutlery Drawer

Okay, this was one is easer than it seems, I think-even if you have bunch of sh*t in those (that?) drawer that does not belong! Get ready to clear out, wipe down, and get some quick tidying satisfaction!

What You Need: 

• Two paper garbage bags-one for "give-aways/sell," one for trashed or unusable items
• A rag and your fave natural cleanser
• A place on the counter to put everything when you wipe out the drawers, and also, a place for things you will "re-position"
• A good "get rid of this thing!" mind set

Okay, ready? Here we go

1. Take a good look at those drawers. Now, ask yourself:  What is IN there? (Good question, right?)
2. Toss, toss, toss! And by that, I mean, sure, put those ten bottle openers and wine stoppers from places like Margaritaville and your cousin's wedding fifteen years ago and your last trip to Cabo in the give-away bag. SAME THING with the cheap plastic "spiralizer" that honestly NEVER gets used  (never worked?!) Say bye-bye to ANYTHING that does not make cooking, preparing or even nuking your food more fun and more delightful. 
3. Pull EVERYTHING else out, and place it on the counter. 
4. Decide where to put larger items or utensils that you like, but don't use often. For instance, if you only bake occasionally-put those whisks and baking utensils in a cute jar, and maybe store where you have your vases and other jars. 
5. Wipe down the insides of drawer with your rag and cleanser. Get in there good! (But don't take more than a few minutes to do this!) Unless you are a complete, raving slob, (JK!) a few minutes should do it. 
6. As the drawers dry to their pristine splendor, go through the stuff on the counter AGAIN, i.e.-what you haven't tossed! Look through it again! And again! C'mon!  You can do it! 
7. Let's face it. Most of us are NOT Julia Child or Ina Garten. The most genius tool in my cutlery drawer is one of those silicone spoon/batter-stir long spoon things, which I implement when cooking just about EVERYTHING. It's seriously one of the only cooking tools I use. What do YOU use the most? Give away the utensils and cooking implements that make opening that drawer a real drag.
8. Okay! Now! Put the "give-away" bag in your car. Right now. (Just do it!) Come back in.
9. Put everything back. RESIST the urge to go out and buy some new organizing tools, unless you really need them. (See our suggestions, below.) But seriously ONLY if you really need them. (The clean tops of shoe boxes work great to separate things out.)
10. Admire your work!

Do NOT think you need to be perfect-just get it done! xo

YOU ARE DONE! Yay! Congrats! xo

 

 

 

 

Some Fun  Shopping To Try: