Inner Housekeeping-Pt 3

*Note: If you haven't read Part I and Part II of Inner-Housekeeping by Mick Kubiak, so please read that first, if you'd like xo) 

Welcome to the third and final installment of the Inner Housekeeping Series! By this point in the process, you have spent some good quality time taking up residence in your inner home. You might be amazed at how much more energy you have, and how much more present you feel after this relatively small commitment of time and energy.

This is because you are tapping into something fundamental. This presence, this place, is your birthright. It has been there, well, dare I say, forever?

The emotions and the thoughts, the perceptions and beliefs, on the other hand, have a temporary quality, as do our psychological patterns—our tendency to panic, for example, or go in a paranoid direction, or get into relationships with a certain type of person. Our beliefs also come and go and change over time. But this place that is our home is always there and always feels the same. It is the space in which all that is temporary unfolds, rising and falling seemingly endlessly. 

As you begin to identify more with the space in which the thoughts, feelings, and perceptions come and go, rather than the thoughts, feelings, and perceptions themselves, you will discover an inner stability that is always there.

You will experience the presence of a monarch sitting on a throne, or a Buddha sitting on the earth. You will recognize the innate dignity and stillness of your being. This is not something you have to develop or cultivate. This is simply what is and what has always been. Your breath and your body are the portals that can get you here any time you want. 

Some meditation practices encourage an active approach to clearing of the inner space. I have found this to be particularly true with the Taoist approach, in which the meditator is encouraged to actively remove obstructing beliefs, thoughts, and emotions, just as a homeowner takes out the trash and recycling, as well as any old pieces of furniture that no longer feel good in the space. If this approach appeals, have at it. 

Other practices recommend a more passive approach, encouraging the practitioner to simply recognize and observe that none of those beliefs, thoughts, and emotions are solid or permanent anyway. Allow them to rise and fall and pass on their own, flickering like the images on a movie screen, maintaining your awareness of that which endures—again, the space in which it all unfolds, in your inner home. 

I have made good use of what I would consider to be some of the best instruction manuals available—The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer, and The Oracle of the Cosmic Way by Carol Anthony and Hannah Moog. All of these books lead straight to the heart of inner housekeeping and consciously living a life that unfolds from the source of your being. 

I have always practiced what works best for me at any given time, and have trusted in my own direct experience of reality to guide me.

The feeling of Homecoming is the perfect metaphor. When you feel that, you’re onto something. Keep going!

Inner Housekeeping-Pt 2

by Mick Kubiak, LMFT

(This is continued from Pt 1, so please read that first, if you'd like xo) 

So here we are, in phase of 2 of checking out your inner home. Last week, you just started to get the feeling of your inner home, and to sit in it consciously, for five minutes each day. This week, you will go one tiny step further into inhabiting your inner space.

After a week of turning the volume down on your thoughts, and tuning in to how you feel inside, you may notice that without doing anything else, you already feel more present and embodied. Just feeling how you feel can be something of a revelation. Often we sweep our feelings under the rug, not wanting to experience them, lest they should disrupt us, and our lives. They scare us a little, or a lot. Once we realize that, in and of themselves, that they are just sensations wanting to be experienced, we can relax and get to know them. 

It’s liberating to realize that you don’t have to be afraid of your feelings. 

You don’t have to avoid them, deny them, or hide them.  You also don’t have to express them, address them, or “deal with” them. Just feeling them is a complete experience in and of itself, and at this point, that’s all you need to do. 

In this phase of the practice, you will tune in to your physicality, your breath, and your body, as the anchors for your awareness. In other words, experience your feelings through your body, rather than just thinking about them. Go back to the image of turning the volume down on the radio or television in your head, if that helps. Drop all stories, concepts, and explanations about why you feel the things you feel, and just feel your feelings as they present themselves to you, in your body. 

Notice as you scan your body, from your toes to your head, and back again, if your body feels heavy or light, cold or hot. Are you tingling in any area? Or numb? Simply observe, and stay connected to your breath. 

Some people feel shapes and see colors, for example a black thing the size of a golf ball in their throat, or a cold, flat sheet of paper in their upper back. And what most of us experience is that these areas of consolidated energy change in shape, color, density, as we sit patiently with what we feel. Most of us notice that if we sit with these sensations and continue to anchor attention on our breath at the same time, the sensations shift and transform. 

All we need to do is observe. 

Again, at this point in the process all you need to do is experience the energy as it shows up and moves through your body. Let your thoughts go for now, like people walking past your home that you don’t intend to connect with right now. What you are doing here, building on last week’s exercise, is taking up residence in your inner home by becoming more fully present in your body. 

If five minutes still feels right, continue setting the timer for five minutes and go on about your day when the timer goes off.  If you feel like more time would be even better, set the timer for 10 minutes, or do two five-minute intervals. For now, though, do not exceed 10 minutes. Get in, get out, and get on with your day. 

Next week, we will begin to move beyond just taking up residence in the inner home, and move into some more conscious cleansing of our inner space. Take good care of yourself until then…

 Go here for Part III of Inner-Housekeeping, by Mick Kubiak.

Start Right Here...

Your Inner House-Pt 1

by Mick Kubiak, LMFT

For many of us, our homes are our sanctuaries. They provide us with refuge from the world out there—no matter how noisy, how unpredictable, how cruel, or how demanding it gets-at the end of the day, we can step into our safe spaces, and shut the door. We turn the lock with a deep sigh of relief. Here, we find peace and beauty for our weary hearts. We fall onto the couch, as if into the arms of a supportive and nurturing friend. There is a common phrase—all the comforts of home—that captures this daily return to safety and warmth.

But there is another home—even more vital and sacred than our primary residences. I speak here of the inner home of your Being—the internal space in which your thoughts, emotions, feelings, perceptions, schemes, and dreams unfold; the place from which you—You—view the world and the people and things in it.

One of the great tragedies of the human condition is that most of us do not know that we even have an inner home, and that it needs our attention, and energy, every bit as much as our external home does. Even worse, we have been taught that we don’t have much say in the matter of what goes on in there. We endure, and try to overlook or compartmentalize all kinds of darkness and waste that we would never tolerate in our world kitchens and living rooms.

We must forgive ourselves for this neglect, this lack of consciousness, because our mothers and fathers taught us how to cook and clean, and wash the car, how to balance our checkbooks and pay our bills, but most of them failed to teach us that we have to look inside, and attend to our inner homes as well. This was not malice on their part, but ignorance. They couldn’t teach us what they didn’t know.

Sometimes, the awareness that our inner home is a real place, a real place we haven’t paid much attention to, can be overwhelming, kind of like finding out that you own an actual house that no one told you about until now. When you first go to see it, you’re going to be like, oh dang, that place is a mess. And you might want to just walk away and pretend like you never saw it. Plenty of people do. 

But not you, dear House and Mind reader! Because you know that with the right encouragement and support, you can handle this! I’m telling you. You really can. And at some point in the future, when you have cleared the brush, fixed the broken door, and swept out the cobwebs, you will be standing full of joy in your inner home, so happy that you finally claimed this place for yourself.  

It is this state of inner presence that is known as self-possession, and if you’ve ever felt it in yourself, or sensed it in another person, you want it—poise, equanimity, and inner peace.  Yes, please!

So here you are, standing on the sidewalk, staring at the overgrown foliage and more than a little freaked out by what might be lurking inside the house. Will there be mice? Rats? Squatters? Well, the answers to those questions will come with time and you don’t need to freak out about any of it right now. In fact, if you remember only one thing as you do this work of reclaiming your inner home, this is it: Don’t freak out!  It’s not necessary. Choosing not to freak out is a certain kind of magic, and once you experience the power of it, you will never fully go back to freaking out again.

As you’ve understood by now, this inner home is not visible in the apparent world. It is a place you can only see with your eyes closed, if you can see it at all. I have noticed that some people see their inner world, some people feelit, and others hearit. Still others just somehow grasp it without reference point to any of the five traditional senses. They just know.

You will find the way that works for you if you willingly suspend any disbelief that you have an inner home. In other words, you don’t have to believe it; you just have to be open to the possibility of experiencing it. 

So let’s start there, and let’s start small. This first session will be like a Tiny Tidy for your inner home. 

1. Set a timer for 5 minutes, and close your eyes with the intention of finding out what is going on inside. 

2. Notice what you are hearing—spoken word snippets from your lifelong to do list, snappy comebacks you wish you had thought of in your last conversation, that Taylor Swift song you can’t ever seem to escape. Imagine all that noise is coming from a TV set or a radio, and you can turn it off, turn it down, or just tune it out. Sometimes it really can be that simple. 

3. Once you have attained some inner quiet, notice how the space inside you feels. Does it feel open and light, or cluttered and claustrophobic? For now, just notice. Get a lay of the land. Remember our cardinal rule: it is not necessary to freak out. Just observe and rest easy in the confidence that you can handle anything. You can restore order, brighten, lighten, straighten and shine, as needed. 

4. When the timer goes off, you’re done. Go live your life, and repeat these steps tomorrow, again for 5 minutes. 

Stay tuned for more, next week! xo

Go to: Inner Housekeeping, Pt. 2

Welcome to House & Mind!

This is my first post on this site, and I am so excited to share my thoughts and we can start changing our lives by starting with BOTH our inner and outer "houses." Whether you live in a Bel-Air Mansion, an East Village studio, a cabin in the woods of South Carolina, or a condo in Lincoln, Nebraska-we all have blocks in the way we create (or don't create) the space we live in. This goes way beyond the objects that bring joy or not-it boils down to your own way of creating the life you want to live (or a different one than the one you are leading right now!) 

These seem like huge issues for a home organizing and decor site-and they are. But they don't have to be! This week, I want to dive into what I call the "Ideal Sitch," the situation you have always imagined would work if ONLY you got this and that clean/straightened/organized in your home.  

What will you do once that garage is tackled? Or your monster coat closet? Or kitchen cabinets? 

Write that novel? Get a band-new job? Ask for a raise? Get a divorce? Find true love? It's amazing how we can put off what we feel will bring us the most fulfillment in life. 

It was also amazing to see how much I have personally procrastinated with my own creative goals vis-a-vis worrying about not simply cleaning up first, but little things, such as cleaning out a closet, that I turned into (rather unnecessary) major organizing jobs! And of course, there is incredible truth that  an uncluttered desk can mean an uncluttered mind. But it can also be paralyzing for some to have everything in pin-perfect order...

How to find balance?

House & Mind wants to help you to figure out YOUR style of keeping house.  Apart from what society thinks, what the collective ego demands, or what your mother tells you. And keeping your head clear, too. So often, our mess outside is due to what's going on internally. 

To that end, we will ONLY be using photos of our own apartments and homes, and those of our friends, the people in our life and willing clients we are working with to bring their personal and domestic dreams alive, as well as some great, fun vintage photos I personally find incredibly fun and inspiring. 

I'm so happy you are here...So...let's dive into this mess, together! 

Each week will be a combination of discussing internal and external "housekeeping" challenges, problems, tips and overall life and creative enhancement.  If this resonates with you, please join us on our little adventure!

So, what is Your Ideal Sitch? In life? At home and at work? Give it a thought. We will soon be talking with Mick Kubiak, writer and family and individual therapist, on how this image impacts everything house and mind...