Inner Housekeeping-Pt 3

*Note: If you haven't read Part I and Part II of Inner-Housekeeping by Mick Kubiak, so please read that first, if you'd like xo) 

Welcome to the third and final installment of the Inner Housekeeping Series! By this point in the process, you have spent some good quality time taking up residence in your inner home. You might be amazed at how much more energy you have, and how much more present you feel after this relatively small commitment of time and energy.

This is because you are tapping into something fundamental. This presence, this place, is your birthright. It has been there, well, dare I say, forever?

The emotions and the thoughts, the perceptions and beliefs, on the other hand, have a temporary quality, as do our psychological patterns—our tendency to panic, for example, or go in a paranoid direction, or get into relationships with a certain type of person. Our beliefs also come and go and change over time. But this place that is our home is always there and always feels the same. It is the space in which all that is temporary unfolds, rising and falling seemingly endlessly. 

As you begin to identify more with the space in which the thoughts, feelings, and perceptions come and go, rather than the thoughts, feelings, and perceptions themselves, you will discover an inner stability that is always there.

You will experience the presence of a monarch sitting on a throne, or a Buddha sitting on the earth. You will recognize the innate dignity and stillness of your being. This is not something you have to develop or cultivate. This is simply what is and what has always been. Your breath and your body are the portals that can get you here any time you want. 

Some meditation practices encourage an active approach to clearing of the inner space. I have found this to be particularly true with the Taoist approach, in which the meditator is encouraged to actively remove obstructing beliefs, thoughts, and emotions, just as a homeowner takes out the trash and recycling, as well as any old pieces of furniture that no longer feel good in the space. If this approach appeals, have at it. 

Other practices recommend a more passive approach, encouraging the practitioner to simply recognize and observe that none of those beliefs, thoughts, and emotions are solid or permanent anyway. Allow them to rise and fall and pass on their own, flickering like the images on a movie screen, maintaining your awareness of that which endures—again, the space in which it all unfolds, in your inner home. 

I have made good use of what I would consider to be some of the best instruction manuals available—The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer, and The Oracle of the Cosmic Way by Carol Anthony and Hannah Moog. All of these books lead straight to the heart of inner housekeeping and consciously living a life that unfolds from the source of your being. 

I have always practiced what works best for me at any given time, and have trusted in my own direct experience of reality to guide me.

The feeling of Homecoming is the perfect metaphor. When you feel that, you’re onto something. Keep going!

Start Right Here...

Your Inner House-Pt 1

by Mick Kubiak, LMFT

For many of us, our homes are our sanctuaries. They provide us with refuge from the world out there—no matter how noisy, how unpredictable, how cruel, or how demanding it gets-at the end of the day, we can step into our safe spaces, and shut the door. We turn the lock with a deep sigh of relief. Here, we find peace and beauty for our weary hearts. We fall onto the couch, as if into the arms of a supportive and nurturing friend. There is a common phrase—all the comforts of home—that captures this daily return to safety and warmth.

But there is another home—even more vital and sacred than our primary residences. I speak here of the inner home of your Being—the internal space in which your thoughts, emotions, feelings, perceptions, schemes, and dreams unfold; the place from which you—You—view the world and the people and things in it.

One of the great tragedies of the human condition is that most of us do not know that we even have an inner home, and that it needs our attention, and energy, every bit as much as our external home does. Even worse, we have been taught that we don’t have much say in the matter of what goes on in there. We endure, and try to overlook or compartmentalize all kinds of darkness and waste that we would never tolerate in our world kitchens and living rooms.

We must forgive ourselves for this neglect, this lack of consciousness, because our mothers and fathers taught us how to cook and clean, and wash the car, how to balance our checkbooks and pay our bills, but most of them failed to teach us that we have to look inside, and attend to our inner homes as well. This was not malice on their part, but ignorance. They couldn’t teach us what they didn’t know.

Sometimes, the awareness that our inner home is a real place, a real place we haven’t paid much attention to, can be overwhelming, kind of like finding out that you own an actual house that no one told you about until now. When you first go to see it, you’re going to be like, oh dang, that place is a mess. And you might want to just walk away and pretend like you never saw it. Plenty of people do. 

But not you, dear House and Mind reader! Because you know that with the right encouragement and support, you can handle this! I’m telling you. You really can. And at some point in the future, when you have cleared the brush, fixed the broken door, and swept out the cobwebs, you will be standing full of joy in your inner home, so happy that you finally claimed this place for yourself.  

It is this state of inner presence that is known as self-possession, and if you’ve ever felt it in yourself, or sensed it in another person, you want it—poise, equanimity, and inner peace.  Yes, please!

So here you are, standing on the sidewalk, staring at the overgrown foliage and more than a little freaked out by what might be lurking inside the house. Will there be mice? Rats? Squatters? Well, the answers to those questions will come with time and you don’t need to freak out about any of it right now. In fact, if you remember only one thing as you do this work of reclaiming your inner home, this is it: Don’t freak out!  It’s not necessary. Choosing not to freak out is a certain kind of magic, and once you experience the power of it, you will never fully go back to freaking out again.

As you’ve understood by now, this inner home is not visible in the apparent world. It is a place you can only see with your eyes closed, if you can see it at all. I have noticed that some people see their inner world, some people feelit, and others hearit. Still others just somehow grasp it without reference point to any of the five traditional senses. They just know.

You will find the way that works for you if you willingly suspend any disbelief that you have an inner home. In other words, you don’t have to believe it; you just have to be open to the possibility of experiencing it. 

So let’s start there, and let’s start small. This first session will be like a Tiny Tidy for your inner home. 

1. Set a timer for 5 minutes, and close your eyes with the intention of finding out what is going on inside. 

2. Notice what you are hearing—spoken word snippets from your lifelong to do list, snappy comebacks you wish you had thought of in your last conversation, that Taylor Swift song you can’t ever seem to escape. Imagine all that noise is coming from a TV set or a radio, and you can turn it off, turn it down, or just tune it out. Sometimes it really can be that simple. 

3. Once you have attained some inner quiet, notice how the space inside you feels. Does it feel open and light, or cluttered and claustrophobic? For now, just notice. Get a lay of the land. Remember our cardinal rule: it is not necessary to freak out. Just observe and rest easy in the confidence that you can handle anything. You can restore order, brighten, lighten, straighten and shine, as needed. 

4. When the timer goes off, you’re done. Go live your life, and repeat these steps tomorrow, again for 5 minutes. 

Stay tuned for more, next week! xo

Go to: Inner Housekeeping, Pt. 2

Zen, & the Art of Not Losing Your Sh*T!

I had a big event last weekend with the non-profit I help run last week, and well, the night before, I kind of lost it: There were so many details, so many things I wanted to get right, and it was very important that this event went off rather flawlessly. And you know what? The event went pretty great. BUT. It came at a huge cost time: My peace of mind! Time to do things a little differently, for sure. 

Could I have asked for help, mediated, ran to a yoga class, chilled the hell out, somehow? Yes. I mean, sure. I could have, I suppose. But I was SO wrapped up in what I was feeling, that it felt really almost impossible to get some clarity, to get that "this too shall pass" feeling, the knowledge that all of this would be over by the very next night!

But herein lies the big question: When you are triggered again and again by certain situations, and if they happen to be professional, say, like in this case, isn't it time to make some kind of a real and genuine change? Maybe you are having great difficulty seeing and doing things clearly and properly because you really SHOULD ACTUALLY BE CONDUCTING YOUR LIFE DIFFERENTLY! Really! And I know this is hard to hear when the situation seems like a an all-out trap, or you simply cannot see any way to add to change it. 

But,  if you can, try. You maybe can keep mediating around it, and running to a yoga class, and eating as healthy as you like-BUT: If your soul is crying out for you to REALLY and TRULY change your behavior, or a particular aspect of your work or life,  you really must honor yourself in this way. We all have options, even though, I understand, it's sh*tty to hear sometimes, and we often kick our heels against the back of driver's seat, feeling trapped in our own little car seat of life. 

But, the truth is, we are NOT. 

We can all make changes, no matter how difficult they may seem at the moment. You do deserve to feel better, and fulfilled, and to feel divinely guided, I am here to tell you this. Listen to that whining, crying, frazzled little voice when things have gotten, well too damn much! You need to listen! Pay some attention! Would you leave a screaming baby alone in the wilderness? No! (I would hope that you would not! ;) 

Please don't band-aid yourself with too much self-care, when what you really need to be doing is changing direction, whether it may be a little bit,  or going toward a completely new one. You can do it! I just know that you can.  And if you need help doing so, please, by all means, contact us.  

We can help you make some changes. 

xo