Do I Have to Be Mean to Get Ahead?

This is another core belief that lies at the core of many people struggle with-when trying to get their brand-new, spanking ideas out there, going for a new job or promotion, or making a dream a reality. They feel they will have to metamorphose into someone, or something, else. Something bad. Something diabolically ....not them. That they, dear hearts, will have to learn to swim with the sharks in life, or drown, drown...drown!

Well, guess what? You don't. 150 trillion percent, you do not.

But! 

What does getting ahead really mean... to you? Why are you imagining you will have to become someone monstrous, or back-biting? Who have you been dealing with, and what exact beliefs do you have that correlate to this image in your head? Probably, like most of us, gleaming them from way too much TV and movies that reaffirm these things! There are so many crushing stereotypes of "successful" people out there, in every, single field. (And I have never worked on Wall Street, so, stop right here if you are!) But seriously...

You have to remember something:  You have no choice but to be who you really are.

(I know. But bear with me here, please! ;) You will never, ever be able to step all over someone if you are already this worried about doing so, or turn into a version of yourself that you hate... So...don't worry about it! Take this belief off the table. Then look a little deeper: What else is there? Do you feel you will become unlovable? Too successful for anyone to really like? Why? Do you let this type of envy get in the way of certain friendships or life goals, without even realizing it, in your real life? Or maybe you're frightened that others will automatically feel the very same way very about you, if you succeed?

OR, are you perhaps concerned that the upcoming promotion will make you just like every other asshole manager you know? It won't. And that's a terrible reason not go for it. Maybe- you just do not really want to be a manager! And have more time off for your kids or to go running or socializing with friends. Okay. If you can weigh the future gains versus this version of your present, and still come out feeling good- than you are all set! You do NOT really want that promotion...

However! If you feel that the promotion will make you excel, give you a better lifestyle and amplify your desires, then just go for it! No matter that every other manager you have had has been truly awful. You will be the awesome one!

And know, in your heart, that the only "shark” in your heartis the one that is keeping you from getting what you want. Throw out the false belief system that is holding you back from a new experience, opportunity or job that may be presenting itself, if you are already "performing" and imagining the kind of person it's going to turn you into, in that little head of yours...

Relax! You are an ultra-good person, my dear. And some job, opportunity or experience can never, ever take that away from you. Swim with the sharks, even when you feel like a tiny minnow! Be the change you want to see has no more authentic use than in a situation like this.

But you don't have to really "be the change." 

You can just be little ole' you. 

Phew...Doesn't that feel good?

Why Am I Still Broke?... (and other silly beliefs)

Why are you still broke? 

Is it the job? Is it bearing the great responsibility of your family's needs? Is it the fact that everyone is coming first, maybe-their needs, desires, and wants pushing past your own, to the point that you do not even know what you really want?

I often find myself in this place: Frustrated, stuck and unable to make a positive change that will bring me more prosperity. 

But what lies beneath all of this? 

Recently, I have come to think that it is our embedded, almost invisible belief system. The beliefs that we walk around with, that whisper to us constantly, that we had absolutely no clue were ever-present, running at a very low frequency at the back of our brains, and, essentially and eventually, running our very lives. Sometimes the hum of these beliefs turns into a roar, as when you never allow yourself new experiences because they are "too  expensive" and "how could I ever afford that?!!?"

Would you want to hang out with someone who is constantly complaining, sighing, feeling less than, feeling undeserving? Neither does the Universe, believe me.

Have you ever witnessed one of those conversations with someone trying to explain a new project or what they are focusing on in an upbeat way, and the other person keeps saying "But, but... but!" ? It's truly almost comical. Usually, the upbeat person just shrugs, smiles and eventually and politely scoots away from the "but-ing" person as fast as they can. 

The Universe is the same way!

If you feel you don't deserve something (Belief) the Universe will simply shrug, smile and move on, until you are ready to have a more fun, fulfilled conversation with it.

Take some time today, go on a little walk, if you can, and think about what you really would like to have in your life, in material, more "prosperous" way:

 $5k more a month? A new job? A fun, summer  wardrobe? That trip to Cabo? What isit? Then, go deeper...

Listen, as you hear that hum start. Low at first...What is it really saying to you? Translate it, and listen closely! Are you imagining that someone who is financially and materially self-fulfilled is always going to be an asshole deep down? Or afraid you wouldn't be able to hang with people like that, if you get to that "level?" What is this ever-present hum trying to tell you? Tease it out, bit by bit, hum by hum...Just-let it unspool. 

Then, on your walk- go back in time a little bit: When did these beliefs really start? Is there a way to identify them? Usually it's a story, or a piece of an old memory, actually, that sticks out. And maybe it's so silly and small, you couldn't possibly think it has any weight or power. Think again!

There is a reason these little memories, seemingly so tucked away and normally hidden, are your absolute go-tos when that hum starts, and you start trying to decipher them...Something lodged within there that you deeply believed, somehow. And still do, especially if you are reading this far, believe me! 

Just remember that this is just a beginning.

But if you really focus and listen, you will be surprised to learn that what you really thought was just an everyday thought has had tremendous power over your daily dealings. (And not simply in your financial realm.) 

When you have chosen a few choice "stories," your work now is in how you are going to unravel and deprogram them. You need to supply a new narrative, one that honors the old thoughts as you would an old lover...Then, let them go, as you make way for bright, shiny new ones. 

It could go something like this:

"Yes, my friends may have been snarky and jealous when they saw my first day of school outfit when I was 7, and made fun of me."

Whoa! That's a big one. This memory = the Belief: "Who the hell did I think I was, to feel so good in my new clothes? I must not be worthy of them." etc.

Or, you overheard your parents fighting intensely about money, maybe even on a daily basis. This needs some huge unraveling.

This memory = the Belief: "Life is a struggle, because me and my siblings were a terrible burden. It's going to be hard for me to survive and support myself, too!"

You have to remember something:  Your parents made their own choices.You were not the burden. Their choices were their burden to carry.  You were the child. A gift, for God's sake. And sure, maybe you have compassion for your parents, eventually. But not before you get as angry at hell at them, first, if you feel like it!  Kids should be allowed to be kids. I don't care where someone grows up, or what circumstances they are in. To have a child is a choice. If you screw it up, and can't afford to have the lifestyle you want to give your child, it's all on you. They had no right at all to make it your and  or your siblings' problem. I do not care what type of childhood they had. The awful mother or father they were cursed with. Their painful, poverty-stricken childhood, or terrible divorce. 

It does not matter. Th decision to have a family was all on them. 

Are you bristling right now? That's because the truth can often be very painful, and difficult to bear. Even for grown-up "children," who are probably still suffering themselves.

 Here is where  the compassion comes in: Your parents, grandparents or caretakers are only human. They were only doing their best (even if their best sucked.) But please, be and feel angry, if it feels right and safe to do so. Be sad, if you need to. Write all of this down, if that's helpful. All of these feelings are perfectly allowed. 

Now do the above with every belief you've ever had, as they come up, pertaining to wealth, prosperity, and money. Mine are intense, I assure you. Just go through and let go of those teachers, classmates, old friends, lovers, parents, relatives. Let them go into the ether where they belong-as they hum right through and OUT THE DOOR of your belief system. Let them go! 

Then, replace these old ones with some shiny, new beliefs, like the ones below:

(Again, this are not affirmations. Just beliefs to start thinking about, and replacing when that same old song sounds again in your brain.)

• I was only a kid. I didn't have any control over my life or my parents' lives.
• Money doesn't equal happiness. But I still deserve to have as much of it as I want!
• I need and want certain things in my life to bring me joy-things money can buy- and that's okay.
• Struggling financially does not make me more interesting, more creative, or freer. 
• I can never have enough money. The supply out there is limitless.
• I deserve to have a teeming, full bank account. 

Lastly, if you have really identified some core beliefs you have been carrying about your own wealth and prosperity, now would be a great time to work with a good therapist.

Contact us for some great recs. It can change your life (and hopefully, your bank balance!) 

Have a great week...xo

PS- If you are REALLY in need of a Universal Financial Reboot, try this little wonder. I use it every time I am freaking about my finances, and therapist Lesli Johnson says that The Art of Money is "life-changing" (!)