How To Feel (a bit!) Better When You Just Feel Bad

This is such a hard post to write, because, like many of its kind, I tend to focus on quick remedies as exercise, meditation, and opening up to those feelings, as we just discussed in our last post about suffering and depression. Of course, as we know, yes, they do help, naturally, in the moment...

But, as I will be candid enough to share with you now, I have been having "one of those weeks." Even thinking about doing yoga or meditating made me anxious. Sometimes, trying to figure out how to relieve our negative feelings only greatly adds to the anxiety of our guilt of feeling them in the first place. 

I decided to make a list.

Well, a few, actually. I made lists about what I want to change. I made a list about the things I want, in the material sense (hello, new white couch!) period. I made another list about what absolutely sucked this week and I another list about what made me sad, anxious, and upset this week. And finally, I created a list about what I want to change in my life.

From these lists, I will try and take a good, lengthy and hard look at how my brain seems conditioned to loop right back into negativity, and how I can continue to rewire my brain! Reading the work of others who have made this their life work also greatly helps, like Dr. Rick Hanson. Also, booking a session with a therapist who practices EMDR therapy, like therapist Lesli Johnson , can be tremendously life-changing. (We will be talking about EMDR more extensively in the coming weeks).

But, I think that by beginning to keep these journaling "lists," I will be able to allow myself to really "see" these patterns, and therefore, be able to mentally hi-jack them more effectively, moving forward, before they can dig in.

 I encourage you to also start this practice, especially when you are having very "good" days: Bullet-point out, really simply in your journal, what went well, who you were with, and why it was so good. Notate the successes as well as the sh*tty parts of your week and month. And, as always, please feel free to email or comment to let us know how you did!

Here's to a much better week starting on Monday, and a very splendid weekend! Thank you, as always, for reading this week...xo

The Lighting in Here is Just Fine...You just need to rewire your...BRAIN!

So, I was running late for a doctors appointment this afternoon, and after a quick jog up to the receptionist's desk, asked to use their rest room. As I was washing my hands, I glanced in the mirror: This was not the same me who had left the house this morning, with fresh make-up and softly brushed hair! NO! I looked all of my (blank number of) years; My hair suddenly looking both dry and stringy! What gives, I asked myself? I literally had just left the house about a half an hour ago...MY lighting in MY bathroom was good!I think? Actually, it's quite normal, nothing too soft, nothing too fancy....

SO, the question is: Why did I choose that version of myself, in that moment? Without a second thought. Until...I caught myself. 

How many times do we all do this to ourselves? We choose to believe that one negative comment made about a public speaking engagement we felt great about it. Or remember, verbatim, an offhand comment a family member made about your weight, or your look,  or your dress, or your date, at a family function or wedding, when you know you looked radiant in even your cousin's caught-on-the fly iPhone photos...?

One of my favorite writers and authorities on mindfulness, Dr. Rick Hanson, has talked a lot about our human propensity for the Negativity Bias.    

He writes that we poor souls once had to be vigilantly on guard 24-7, that we are literally wired to be on alert, and for alarm, brain-wise, since our evolution as a species. But this "bias" in the brain has devolved to the point where, even though we live in a civilized society, we still will sift through to find that negative little pebble in the proverbial show of our souls. Hanson writes: "The alarm bell of your brain — the amygdala (you’ve got two of these little almond-shaped regions, one on either side of your head) — uses about two-thirds of its neurons to look for bad news: it’s primed to go negative." 

What can do to change this? It's not easy, I know that for a fact. BUT! The good news is, we can change this negativity bias. We can start by trying to "rewire" our reactions. 

So, this morning, you know what I did? I actually smiled at myself, re-brushed my hair, slicked on some lip gloss, and turned on my heel, choosing not to leave with that view of myself. We still get to pick what we decide to see and feel, as hard as that is to grasp, especially in challenging situations, I know. 

But the more you practice in "benign" moments like I did, (I was not going on a date with my doctor, after all) the easier it gets. So, try it.

And yes, meditating is always great. This keeps those synapses open and pliable.  But for those crushing, quick moments, (and we all have them, sometimes daily, sometimes many, many times per day!) just keep telling yourself: You look just fine, baby. And you are fine!  It's really the lighting that's well, maybe not so great. (And keep telling yourself that.) It really works, I swear it. 

PHOTO: Australian Film star Helen Twelvetrees, c. 1936